still more post holiday cheer...

Xmas vacation at the inlaws... me... wife... our two kids... wife’s parents... wife’s sister and her fiancée... wife’s brother... wife’s brother’s wife... their daughter who is a very little baby and CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES...

It’s all a bit much, don’t you think?

At least my wife and I got the afternoon to ourselves today. We went to lunch at a place called “Key Wester" or something... seafood and pasta. I had some blackened salmon that was really good, (although a few hours later I think it was trying to swim back upsteam**). Then we went to that “EXPO” place... it’s a division of Home Depot, only way more upscale. We intended to go look at some kitchen and bathroom stuff... to kinda make some plans for when we have to talk to builders about details in our future house... cabinet colors, countertops, tile... all that crap. Problem is... “EXPO” is a little MORE upscale than I remembered. ”Oh, look honey... an eleven THOUSAND dollar shower!!” Then we went to a regular Home Depot and everything just looked cheap. That’s really, really, not a good thing.

We also dragged all of the aforementioned gang of relatives to the mall for family pictures. It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. And the pictures actually turned out well... kids and all.

Anyway, it’s been a long day. I put the little one down for a nap a little after 5:00 and lay down myself. We both slept until after 6:30, which meant that he wouldn’t go to bed at 8:00. He didn’t get do bed until around 9:30. It’s been a long day. Tomorrow the wife, her sister, and their Mom go wedding dress shopping. I’m hoping to remain far, far away from that little excursion. Jesus...

So... the vacation continues...

dave


(**) I should mention... I seldom if ever eat salmon without making that very same joke.

little gadgets...

Second Xmas went well enough. The flight to Chicago was non-stop, so the kids did pretty well. But by the time we got in, our daughter had very little patience for organized present-opening. (My wife’s family opens one present at a time... in order... by age... it’s a little anal.) So it became, “Let’s Open These Presents and Get the Kids to Bed ASAP!” Which we did.

I got the present I hinted for (through my wife) from the in-laws... a Logitech “Pocket Digital” camera. It takes crappy pictures, but it’s the size of a stack of 4 credit cards, so it’s WAY cool. It’s gonna live in my briefcase, and I’m going to take lots of random pics in the city every day. So look for my photojournal link beginning in February.

And between the $125 worth of Best Buy gift cards I got from my brother and my brother-in-law, and the $100 in cash from my Grandma, and the undisclosed sum yet to arrive from Dad... I think I’m going to buy myself an Apple iPod for Xmas. I can only afford the 10 Gig model ($299!)... which I thought kinda sucked, until I checked the current size of the iTunes music folder on my laptop... which is 2.7 Gb. ”Oh... ok... so... three times that much... that’s not too bad.” So yeah... I’ll be groovin’ on my iPod soon. I need to research the battery problem a little... there’s apparently some sort of class-action lawsuit involving battery life... I don’t think that’ll stop me though. It’s just far too cool.

So that’s it... we’re in Chicago until the New Year. Short updates will follow all week.

d.

xmas wrap-up...

Hope everybody had a nice Holiday. Things were good here... festive, if a bit frazzled. We were up until 2:00 AM on Xmas Eve wrapping stuff. Ok... well we were up until 1:00 AM wrapping stuff... we were up until 2:00 AM having amazing sex. Merry Christmas indeed.

The wife seemed to like all her presents. I scored some good stuff too. (Home theatre system, “The Complete Far Side” boxed set, sterling silver LotR “One Ring”, 12” die cast metal model of the “Mach 5”) Our daughter was a bit out of control... present obsessed and damned impolite in an “is that IT?” sort of way. Not to mention tearing through both her presents AND her brother’s. She’s better get over THAT by next Christmas. I think he’ll be old enough to care by then.

So, it’s Saturday and our flight for Chicago leaves at 4:30 this afternoon. We’ll get into the in-laws house around 8:00 EST, which is already the kids’ bedtime, then we’ll spend about 2 hours opening the Christmas #3 presents. So... my Christmas isn’t quite over yet. For those of you who are still celebrating as well, I wish you a Merry Extended Christmas. Or, as my daughter says... ”Police Navidad”!!

D.

why yes, that dress DOES make your ass look big...

Did anybody catch Renee Zellwegger on Letterman last week? She’s out promoting “Cold Mountain” but she’s in the middle of filming the sequel to Bridget Jones, which means she’s in her... ummm... “bulked up” phase. I think she puts on about 30 pounds for the role.

God damn, she looked good.

And I don’t just say these kind of things to suck up to my female readers, either... y’know? Seriously. And even if I do, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Yeah. Yum.

Dave

merry...

I'll put aside all the snarkiness and sarcasm just long enough to wish all of my readers a Merry Christmas.

Sarcasm and snarkiness will return in their entirety after the holiday.

Dr. Dave

who put the “pro” in procrastinate....?

My wife left me alone this morning so I could finish up my grading for the semester. Here is how my morning has gone so far...

8:30 AM: Wife and kids leave.
8:31 AM: Download pornography. Enjoy pornography.
9:00 AM: Set alarm for 9:30. Take nap.
9:30 AM: Turn off alarm. Go back to sleep.
10:00 AM: Get out of bed
10:05 AM: Check email. Begin elaborate grading preparation ritual, including the selection of the “Grading Music” and performance of the “Tea Ceremony”.
10:15 AM: Pick up laptop to head downstairs. Receive chat invitation on Yahoo.
11:00 AM: Finish chat Begin grading
11:18 AM: Wife calls to tell me she’s on the way home. Fuck.
12:00:PM: Wife and children return home.

Net output... 3 and a half hours... 7 term papers graded. Shit. Oh, well... it’s 12:40 now and everyone is napping. I guess I’ll do some more grading until they wake up.

Hmm... maybe I’ll make some lunch first...

d.

no christmas for YOU, kid...

Have you ever noticed that the plot of almost every one of the Xmas specials we watched as a kid was... ”Oh, fuck! It looks like Christmas is almost NOT going to happen!!” The Grinch... Rudolph... The Year Without a Santa Claus... What kind of deep-seated psychological fear were these programs capitalizing on?

I’m suddenly very disturbed by the whole thing.

On top of that, I find myself feeling somewhat conflicted about the Santa Claus Lie this year. I don’t even know why. I guess because I feel that my daughter is crossing over from the age where she’ll be crushed by the non-existence of Santa to one where she’ll more likely be simply appalled by the elaborate web of deception surrounding the whole affair. It’s all so very strange.

dr. dave

yeah, yeah... the king has returned....

We got to see it on Saturday night while my Mom babysat. I don’t know if it’s that I just wasn’t in the MOOD for a 3 hour movie after the kid’s party, or that I’ve been watching the Two Towers DVD too much, or if this time around I was too familiar with the book... but I was a little underwhelmed. Big battles, sweeping vistas, more big battles, Gollum talking to himself, Frodo looking “tortured”, orcs, orcs, orcs... blah, blah, blah...

It was a good movie and all... I guess... I just wasn’t up to much “belief suspending”.

I’m kinda disappointed by my own disappointment. That sucks.

d.

you give me fever...

The little one came down with a 102 degree fever the day before his birthday. Then the day of the party, THREE of the guests called in sick and cancelled.

Did someone say “epidemic”?

Anyway, his fever went down long enough to enjoy the party, and the downsized guestlist was probably a blessing... too many one-year olds... not a good thing.

So the party was fine, the little one got lots of plastic trucks, my Mom gave the kids too many Xmas presents , now they’re all gone, everyone’s napping, and the house is quiet.

For now.

Dave

attack of the 50' asian schoolteacher...

Just when you think you've seen all the fetish weirdness that's out there on the web... leave it to the Japanese to come up with soemthing new...

http://www.love-boots.com/videols02.htm

I can't explain it, but it seems to involve being stepped on by giant women. Somehow I blame all those "Godzilla" movies.

d.

weblogs and diaries to avoid...

My most recent random-weblog-explorations have led me to compile the following list of weblogs, diaries and journals to avoid at all costs...

* diaries by pagans, wiccans, and their ilk.
* anyone under the age of 18
* too-devout Christians
* former celebrities
* people who devote more than 50% of their weblog to poetry
* any journal with the word “sorrow” or “despair” in the title
* any weblog featuring prominent anime/manga graphics
* b|06z wI+h H/\cK3r +Yp3
* weblogs consisting solely of politico-punditry and links to other politico-pundits
* those awful “lifestyle” S&M people (often also wiccans)
* people who call their life their “so-called” life
* anyone who posts one of those fucking “What Kind of Kitchen Appliance Am I?” things more often than once a month.

Did I miss anyone?

D

caught between demographics...

I heard the song ”Pictures of You” by The Cure on a Hewlett-Packard commercial the other day... enticing the 28-year-old consumer masses to get out there and buy themselves a nice new printer for Xmas. Meanwhile Led Zeppelin’s ”Rock and Roll” entices the balding 40-somethings into believing that happiness is a new Cadillac.

Who is marketing to us mid 30’s folks?? Too old to care about the latest gadgets... too young to be able to afford a “Caddy that Zigs”... all we get are the heartburn medicines and diaper ads.

Being 34 sucks.

D.

”6uaranteed - |0se weight! fdbfbnmtyfqxsv...”

What the FUCK is up with spammers anymore? Today I got a message with the subject line... ”Bigmac Xanax.x Xanax.x Valium.m Vicodin.n snrqndzvfqj ag” Ummm... WHAT?? Are you trying to sell me drugs or hamburgers? What the fuck is that supposed to MEAN? Is spam now being composed by a billion monkeys typing on a billion typewriters??

If you’re going to send me bullshit email, at least send me bullshit email in ENGLISH.

D.

pain...

I’m in great physical pain this morning. My left knee is killing me, and about half the time I try to turn to the left I wind up doubling over in pain. Walking around the city today should be lotsa fun. I’m also in great physical pain over the very thought that some people have seen Return of the King and I have NOT. This knowledge torments me. I was looking at the clock at 11:30 last night thinking... hmmmm... midnight show... three and a half hours... I get home by 4:00... two hours of sleep isn’t so bad.

No, Dave.

We (the science faculty) were gonna have a meeting today at 11:00 with the resigning Dean. If she cancels the meeting, I am SO outta there and heading for the fucking movie theatre. The thing is, we were going to go see it when my Mom is here this weekend, but she is changing her travel plans and is only going to be here for a day. Dammit.

Anyway... speaking of sleep... I think the little one may finally be figuring it out. I used to have to run up the stairs at least 3 times between 8:00 and midnight to settle him down, and he would always demand to nurse around 12:30 or 1:00 AM. But the past few nights he’s been absolutely silent from 8:00 until 1:30 or 2:00. Yay. Now if WE were just smart enough to go to bed at 10:00, we’d be doing pretty well. He still gets up once or twice between 2:00 and 6:00, but believe it or not... that’s a real improvement. If we can get him to start sleeping regularly from 8:00 PM until 6:00 or 6:30 with only one or two interruptions? God... I think that would make a real difference in our sanity. And it only took a year!

I don’t understand why he’s not more tired... he’s just so fucking BUSY all day. He’s always up to something. Yesterday I came home to find one of the dining room chairs in the living room. I figured my wife was using it to stand on to hang some decorations or something. No. It turns out the baby dragged it from the dining room into the living room earlier in the day. Yeah... most one-year-olds can barely walk... ours rearranges the furniture. He just likes to drag things around, I guess. The other day he was moseying down the hallway, dragging the cats’ scratching post behind him, holding it by the little jingly-ball-on-a-string. It’s never about playing with a toy or reading a book with him... it’s always about climbing on top of shit or getting inside some box or emptying a 24-pack of Diet Coke or unplugging appliances or fucking with something he SHOULD NOT be fucking with. And he’s not even ONE yet! I shudder to think what kind of wholesale destruction he’ll be capable of in a year or two.

*** ** *** ** *** ** ***

Exams went off fine yesterday. I actually graded more than half of my physics exams last night on the train. I plan on finishing them off right now when I’m done typing up this morning’s entry. Then I’ll do Astro exams on the way home tonight, leaving me with just term papers and a 6 inch-thick pile of old homeworks to grade.

I have to deal with some administrative stuff today, since it’s the last day I’ll be at work this calendar year... human resources stuff... forms and whatnot. I hate that shit. There’s another thing that causes me physical pain... dealing with benefits people and payroll people and all that crap. I don’t know why, but it just makes me crazy. Just sending them an email is something I avoid until the last possible minute. Which of course... today IS.

Anyway... work, work, work to do... time to stop.

d.

”... and I can’t get up...!”

I fell tonight when I was getting out of my car. I had both arms full and lost my balance and slipped off the edge of the asphalt down into the flowerbed next to the driveway, and wound up on my ass in a pile of leftover snow with my left leg twisted improbably underneath me. I was sure I had broken something at first... I was lying there thinking... “Fuck, I just broke my fucking leg, and now I’m gonna have to drag myself across the lawn and up the stairs to the house.” But no... it wasn’t that bad.... just kinda “twisty”. But my leg, knee, and shoulder all still hurt like fuck nonetheless.

And the day was going so well until then.

We had a meeting at work today where the Dean of our college announced her resignation. (This was her first semester!) Everybody in the faculty was so SHOCKED! I was perplexed. I guess it comes from working at the Old School for 5 years, but I wanted to say to these people – “Jeez, you’ve never had an administrator quit after four months before?? It used to happen to us ALL THE TIME!” I’ve been completely desensitized to abrupt personnel changes.

Of course some of my lack of outrage could be due to the fact that *I* happen to be leaving as well!

D.

what’s that ‘buzzing’ sound...?

There is this twenty-something chick on the train wearing a “Toys in Babeland” t-shirt. If you don’t know what that is... go look for their website. (Although with a bit of thought you should be able to figure it out for yourself.)

Anyway, already in the past 40 minutes of the train ride, she’s been to the bathroom twice. She stays in there for a while, too. And because of the t-shirt, it’s very hard NOT to imagine that she’s masturbating in there.

Yeah, I know... probably not, but it’s little thoughts like these that keep me going from day to day.

D.

end of the line...

Two final exams today. A few meetings Wednesday. A crapload of grading Thursday. Friday... clean the house, get ready for the baby’s birthday party on Saturday. Saturday... birthday party in the afternoon, early Xmas with Mom in the evening. Sunday... breathe. Finish grading and submit final grades on Monday. And then semester is OVER.

Sigh.

Whoever decided to have the end of the Fall academic semester coincide with Xmas needs to be slapped.

D.

oh, look... it’s spring...!

Yesterday had to be about the weirdest weather day I’ve ever seen. Around 10:00 AM it started snowing... the temps dropped into the 20’s... it snowed like FUCK all day, and it stuck too. By sunset we must have had just shy of 6” on the ground. Then the snow turned to sleet for about an hour, then into rain. The temps climbed into the 40’s after 8:00 PM, it rained like hell all night, and by midnight all the snow was gone.

That’s not weather, people... that’s CLIMATE. That’s a whole annual CYCLE of weather in a single day. Bizarre.

Oh well... at least I didn’t have to shovel!

d.

oh well...

Loyal readers will note that I made a Survivor prediction a few weeks ago. I was wrong. And WHY was I wrong? BECAUSE STUPID FUCKING LILL WAS TOO FUCKING STUPID TO JUST WIN THE FUCKING GAME WHEN IT WAS ALL BUT HANDED TO HER ON A SILVER GOD DAMNED PLATTER. Jesus. She has a chance to go to the final two with the evil, subhuman, parasite Jon... which would have GURANTEED her a win. But NOOOOO...

I mean... I'm glad she didn't win, cuz she was about the stupidest player the game has ever seen. And the Boy Scout uniform just seals the deal.

I like Sandra. She's about the only person in the whole game who I did like other than Rupert, so... I guess I'm pleased with the winner. I just can't deal with the stupidity!

D.

six feet under...

Boy, Saddam really looks like shit doesn’t he? I guess a few months in a 6 foot deep hole in the ground will do that to ya. Did you see the footage of the place they pulled him out of? Nice. Whatever happens... interrogations, Iraqi trials, international war-crimes tribunals... whatever the verdict is, I say the appropriate sentence should be... stuff his ass right back in the 6’ deep hole.

D.

free, free... set them free...

I came across a very interesting website called “bookcrossing.com” – courtesy of nicole2112’s weblog. It’s a site where you track the progress of books that you leave lying about for other people to pick up. You read a book, then you register it at this website, and they give you a “code”... then you put the book’s code inside the cover of the book, along with the website URL, and leave the book laying around someplace. Then when somebody FINDS the book, they presumably look inside the book – see the URL, go to the website and enter the book’s code, and now you know your book has been found. Then they read it and do the same thing. It’s kinda like a “message in a bottle”, only the message is a whole book. And there’s no bottle. And there’s really no water involved. And nobody is stranded anywhere. But still... you get the idea. It’s cool. I may “release” a few books of my own.... just for fun. I certainly have plenty of books lying around I don’t really need anymore.

I wonder if anybody on the subway wants to read “Classical Dynamics of Particles and Systems”?

Dr. D.

sshhhhTHUNK – tinkle-tinkle...

So we were sitting downstairs on Tuesday night, watching the “Celebrity Poker Challenge” on Bravo – which was just AWFUL, by the way. Even though the cast of The West Wing was on, nobody really seemed interested in saying anything interesting, the host (Kevin Pollack) seemed positively embarrassed to be there, and they chose just about the most boring and suspenseless version of poker that I’ve ever seen. “Texas Hold ‘Em??” What the fuck IS that?? It was awful.

Anyway, as I was saying... we were sitting down in the basement, watching this awful poker show on TV, and we heard this sound from upstairs...

”sshhhhTHUNK – tinkle-tinkle..."

Wife: “Fuck... Will you go up and see what the cat knocked over.”

Me: “Ok... (pause) ummm... except that the cat is right here.”

Wife: “Oh. (pause) Well, will you go upstairs and see what that noise was.”

Me: ”Yeah... I guess so...”

So I go upstairs and expect to see something knocked off the counter or some decorations toppled off the coffee table. Instead, I walk into the living room to find the entire fucking Christmas tree on the floor in the middle of the room amid a huge semicircle of broken glass.

Yeah.

Methinks we need a new tree stand. For now, our Xmas tree is leaning half-decorated in a corner – lashed to the railing of the stairs with a 12 foot ethernet cable. How festive.

I do not need events like this in my life – y’know? It sucks plenty already, thanks.

D.

from thursday afternoon...

It’s days like today that are going to make me miss New York City... it rained like hell all morning, then it stopped a little before noon, leaving behind 50 degree temperatures and not a trace of the snow and slush that had been hanging around since last week. It’s so nice to walk around with your coat unbuttoned in December. The air smelled like a mixture of street-vendor Xmas trees and wet garbage. The effect was more pleasant than you’d expect. It made me wish that I had the time or the inclination to walk somewhere more than 2 blocks from work. But by the time I finished all my exams and other stuff, I only had about a half hour... just about enough time to walk to the ATM and KFC.

Yeah, can I just say how much I’ve developed an un-healthy fondness for the Popcorn Chicken Combo at KFC? It’s a very bad thing. Very, very bad. The popcorn chicken itself is bad enough, but the potato wedges... mmmmmmmmm.... tasty, greasy, artery-clogging goodness!

So... I’m done teaching for the semester. My exams are next Tuesday, I have some meetings on Wednesday, but after that I’m off work until January 26th. I don’t expect to be able to enjoy a second of it, but a vacation is a vacation...


D.

on the road again...

My TIRES, that is.

As in... thanks to last night’s 50 degree temperatures and this morning’s rain, there is now a ROAD outside my house again for my tires to roll upon, rather than a glacier upon which I can slide backwards AWAY from work every morning.

I’m usually not one to be thankful for rain, but it beats the hell out of glaciers.

xxxxxxxxxxx

I need to finish writing some final exams today. Both of my exams actually... which sucks. Even though the exams aren’t until next Tuesday... I have one physics student taking it early, so I have to drop it off at the Dean’s office today... and I’m not coming in on Friday or Monday, so if I want to actually print and photocopy the exams for my 9:00 AM class, I have to do it today. I know... woe is me... poor Dave who has to do extra work today because he only goes in to the office three days a week. Don’t worry folks... It’s just one more semester, and then I’ll be working 40 hours a week just like all you sucka’s.

I say “all you” as if there are people actually reading my weblog. I’ve been checking my stats, and I’m down to a dozen hits on a GOOD day... sometimes as few as NINE. Where the hell IS everybody?? I’ve even been whoring for readers like mad over on Open Diary and on the various blog-rings. No payoff. No notes. Nothing. I’m starting to feel a little insecure... has my writing stagnated? My wit dulled? Is there not enough sex? I could always make something up...
I’ve come across a few of the ultra-popular weblogs online... some that are getting as many as 1500 hits a day. That’s just amazing... I would never even WANT mine to become that popular, cuz then you KNOW that somebody you know is bound to wind up reading it. And that freaks me out. I’m still shooting for the holy grail of “fifty”. Fifty hits a day... then I’d feel like I had an “audience”. No offense to you dozen faithfuls who DO read every day – I love you guys, really... especially the THREE of you who leave notes. (Shame on the rest!) But there is just a different *energy* that comes from an audience of 50. It’s the same for lectures. Sure “seminar” classes of a dozen students are great, but give me a lecture hall with 80 students... now we’re talking.

Anyway, I know it’s stupid to be obsessed with statistics and all, but that just the way I am.

OK... I’m gonna go work on my exams now, since I have FIVE weblog entries written and ready to post. It’s nice to have some material in your pocket for days when you are to busy to write. And with the holidays coming up... there are going to be a LOT of those!

D.

conan! what is best in life...?

CONAN: “To crush yooah enemies! To see ‘dem driven befooah you! And to heah da’ lamentations of da’ women!”

Oh yes, indeed.

D.

and hear da’ lamentations of da’ women...

I pass this BIG modern-looking Church in Queens on the way to work on the train... Lutheran, I think.... I dunno. It sits across the street and its façade faces right at the passing trains. And on the front of the giant modern church, in GIANT letters, clearly directed towards the commuters, is the following Bible verse...

“Is it nothing to you – all you who pass by?” Lamentations 1:12

And every time I see it... I think... what exactly are they getting at? I think I know. I think they are saying – “Hey, you! You on the train! Look... a big CHURCH! Doesn’t that MEAN anything to you? Why aren’t YOU going to a big church? In fact, why aren’t you going to THIS big church??” But I’m not sure. Either way, it seems like a kinda whiny way to go about it... it’s like begging. Hey! Hey! Look! Hey, wait... don’t go! Hey...

And I’m no Bible scholar or anything, but I’m guessing that any verse you pull from the “Book of Lamentations” is going to sound pretty whiny. It’s practically called the Book of Whining. It doesn’t sound particularly “uplifting” anyway. Lamentation. Boo-hoo...

All I know is that the word “lamentation” never fails to conjure up a line from “Conan the Barbarian” in my mind

Finish the quote... “Conan! What is best in life??” (Answer to appear tomorrow’s entry)

D.

my afternoon in equations...

(cold office) = (hot tea) + (space heater)

(hot tea) + (space heater) = (blown circuit breaker)

(blown circuit breaker) + (cold office) = (dave in the hallway flipping circuit breakers like he knows what he’s doing)

(hot tea) + (blown circuit breakers) + (dave in the hallway) = (nasty-ass overbrewed bitter fucking tea)

d.

dean for america...

I know I don’t talk politics much in my weblog, but I just thought I’d make a comment about the presidential race and Howard Dean. When this guy first started getting talked about, I was pretty dismissive of him. It sounded like he was trying a little to hard to be a fake (real?) Jed Bartlett... like he had gotten one of Aaron Sorkin’s understudies to write his campaign speeches or something. He even ripped off the “Bartlett for America” slogan from the West Wing! And I’m not even naïve enough to believe that what works in the fictional world of The West Wing would ever work in the REAL world. An intelligent, principled President who doesn’t talk down to people? Who doesn’t dumb down political debate into snack-sized sound bites? Not in this country... not anytime soon. So, I figured all I had to look forward to in 2004 was a reluctant “lesser-of-two-losers” vote for Joseph Lieberman.

But I’ll be damned if this guy Dean isn’t the Democratic frontrunner... and he’s polling right up there with Bush in some polls. Does this guy have a chance in 2004? If he pulls up Wesley Clark as his running mate... I think that’s a pretty fucking strong ticket. It could be interesting. But deep down I still feel like Bush is gonna take it with his flag waving and his sound-biting and his pandering to people’s lowest common denominator. ”Arabs are SCARY! Here’s some tax money back!”

Anyway, I was reading the text of a recent Dean speech on Salon.com today,
(http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2003/12/08/dean_speech/index.html) and about halfway through I started hearing it being spoken by Martin Sheen. And I thought--- you know what? Maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all. Hell... go get the REAL Aaron Sorkin to write your speeches... he’s probably looking for work.

So... now you know where my vote is going... “Bartlett for...” err.. I mean... “DEAN for America!!”

D.

i come from the land of the ice and snow...

Look at this mess. It’s like I live in fucking BUFFALO, New York – not Long Island. What the hell? Who ever heard of a winter that STARTS with an 18” snowfall? And the whole thing seems to have caught the DoT with its pants around its ankles, because the roads are a fucking MESS. Hello? Salt? Anyone??

The whole thing is just adding up to a big Crabbiness Quotient on my part. It doesn’t help that I’m tired... I mean, really tired... “can’t-make-a-fist” tired. Thank God I don’t have to think about work much this week. Two classes today... Two wrap-up-review sessions Thursday... Two exams next week. Done. Then all I have to do is grade a mountain of papers before Xmas!

I do have some nit-picky email-work-type stuff to do this morning. I should do a little of that now. Actually, the first thing I have to do is pop in my “Cosmos” DVD and find the section I want to use in class today.

And can I just say... nothing fucks up my commute like two big fat guys sitting across from me on the train, making me pull my legs up into my ribcage and try to type with my fucking elbows BEHIND me.

I should probably stop bitching now, huh?

D.

a-hooooo...

I was listening to NPR today and they were going on and on about North Korea, and I wasn't paying much attention until they quoted someone by the name of "Lee Soy Hyook"... and all I could think was... isn't that the name of the restaurant in "Werewolves of London??"

"...Gonna getta big dish of beef chow mein..."

D.

a pain in the...

My back is fucking killing me... why? Snow shoveling. Yeah.

My head is fucking killing me too... why? Because people in this house won’t SHUT THE HELL UP!! All the WHINING this morning... fucking Christ... and it’s not just the kids either! It’s 8:45... hopefully they’ll all be gone until at LEAST 11:00. A couple hours of QUIET... is that too much to ask?

I’m gonna go play something “meditative” on my new Vietnamese doohickeys for the time being...

D.

dig it...

Fuck.

Fucking, fucking, fucking SNOW.

Ten FUCKING inches of fucking SNOW.

That's about all I needed this weekend... on top of eveything else... on top of this SHITHOLE of a house that I cleaned the FUCK out of yesterday and looks like SHIT again... I'd really love to spend all day freezing my ASS of shoveling fucking snow.

Is it too late to quit my fucking job NOW and move to Alabama??

D.

survivor update...

I haven't talked much lately about my favorite "reality" TV show - Survivor. It's been a so-so season, so I only have a couple of comments.

1) Rupert rocked, and his ouster was a crime.

2) I used to think Jon was just a run-of-the-mill asshole. But as it turns out, Jon is an evil, subhuman parasite.

My prediction for the winner is Lill. Everyone will carry Lill to the end with them because she is naive and manipulable... the final two will be Jon and Lill, and since Jon is an evil, subhuman parasite, the Jury will choose Lill.

That's my two cents.

D.

denial...

I opened the door of my defrosting car this morning to catch the end of a sentence on NPR...

“... perhaps as much as an inch or two tomorrow.”

I pretended that I didn’t hear it and popped in a CD. If I don’t listen to the news it can’t hurt me.


D.

plink, plunk, plink...

I headed up to the American Museum of Natural History yesterday and picked up those Vietnamese instruments. Both of them. I couldn’t resist. Two funky instruments for less than $90 total? Too cool. I’m going to hide them until Xmas and then wrap them and put them under the tree for myself from “Santa”. Ho, ho, ho...

I am going to be pretty irritating with those things around the house, though. It’s gonna be like living in a Chinese restaurant.... vaguely Asian flavored music plunking around in the background... always the same five notes in the same key, because the damned thing only has 2 strings and 8 frets and that’s all it can DO. Yeah. Fun.

*** ** *** ** ***

I’m really tired all of a sudden... not a great nite for sleep... and some weird dreams. Not particularly hard to “analyze”... but unsettling, as dreams about certain-someones always are. Anyway, I’m gonna fire up something meditative and close my eyes for a while.

D.

highway to hell...

I don’t really feel much like writing this morning... I’ve got the headphones on, listening to AC/DC’s seminal “Highway to Hell”... one of my $9.99 finds from Circuit City last week. Even though my musical tastes have changed just a *bit* since the 6th grade, you can’t deny that this album seriously rocks. No... you can’t.

The funny thing about it is the “liner notes” for the re-issued, remastered CD... they are AWFUL. They sound like they were written by a 14 year old with a thesaurus. Just bad, bad, bad writing.

Anyway... I just feel like chillin’... closing my eyes and reliving the vapid music of my youth. So...

D.

snapple facts...

My Snapple-cap fact of the day yesterday... ”The letter Q is the only letter of the alphabet that doesn’t appear in the name of any US state.”

Really? Why the fuck don’t we just get rid of it then, y’know? I mean really... is there anything that a “Q” can do that a well placed “K” couldn’t accomplish equally well? The English language is almost a thousand years old, why haven’t we take out the trash yet? Especially all the French crap... which is what I blame the presence of the “Q” on. I say lose it, if only to save me from being stuck with those fucking ten points at the end of the game every fucking time I play Scrabble.

Any kwestions?

D.

the last winter...

The first workday of December, and so begins the real winter... single digit windchills and swirling, blowing snow. And no matter how much I try to look at it as “Christmasy”... my only reaction is... “bleah.” So I’ll have to spend the whole winter reminding myself that this is the last one. Next year at this time I’ll be living in Alabama and wearing shorts and Birkenstocks to go pick out a Xmas tree. And if any of you are still around and read me a year from now and I start COMPLAINING about how it just doesn’t feel like Christmas when it’s 55 degrees... please someone smack me, ok?

Our house is in a disastrous half-Xmas-decorated state, with open boxes of ornaments all over the living room and strings of lights all over the lawn... half decorated tree in the corner, and dishes from Thanksgiving still lingering about the kitchen. (Ok... well the last of those finally got washed last night.) It drives me crazy. As a kid, there was no way my mother would ever allow any Xmas decoration to see the light of day until the house was SPOTLESS. (Which is the reason that the Elvis Christmas album still gives me an overpowering subconscious desire to clean!) But my wife is one of those people who believes that Xmas starts the day after Thanksgiving, so... here we are with our festively decorated shithole of a house. Maddening...

And to add to the complication of the Xmas season, the little one’s birthday is on December 20th. Yeah.. I know... how much does that suck? Poor kid.. I don’t know WHAT the fuck we were thinking. (Well... I don’t know what the fuck we were thinking in an even BROADER sense, but let’s not go there right now.) So this means that, from now on, every year in the middle of December when we should be enjoying the Xmas season, instead we’ll be planning a birthday party. A birthday party that nobody will COME TO , mind you, because it’s 5 fucking days before Christmas. Scarred for life, this kid will be.

XXXXXXXXXXX

It seems like forever since I’ve been to work... last Wednesday, so I guess almost a week. And in the intervening time I’ve done NO work on my classes... no grading, and no prep. So, this should be a fun week. I have about 4 classes left in each of my two courses. I should be able to fake it four more times, right?

Actually I can’t even believe that... 4 days of classes, then two exams, and I’m done? Unreal. I mean, of course the semester is over... I can tell because I’m running out of stuff to teach, y’know? But I can’t believe it’s HERE... two weeks, four classes, then a week off, then the B’day party and the Mom coming to visit for an early “Christmas Number One”... then a few more days until Xmas Eve and “Christmas Number Two”, then a day to play with toys and throw away boxes and wrapping paper, then hop on a plane to Chicago for “Christmas Number Three” with the in-laws. Fuck. Then I get to enjoy my vacation (i.e. grade final exams) for about a week before flying down to Alabama to... get this... meet with BUILDERS about building a fucking HOUSE?? Oh my God. when did my life get so fucking insane?

And it doesn’t end. Even when I’m not trying, the stuff just keeps coming. The latest? A math teacher at the Old School emailed me yesterday... turns out he just got a presentation accepted at the National Science Teacher’s Association conference in April. So? So, the talk is based on some work that he and I did together back in 2000 when we both taught 9th grade, and he wants to add me to the talk as a co-presenter. Oh boy! Another conference presentation! I mean... yeah I want to do it, but... FUCK, y’know? Like my life isn’t going to be complicated enough in April? But will I say yes? Probably. So I emailed my boss to see if she’d pay for it. And I’m also gonna mention it to my FUTURE boss to see if he might pay me a couple of bucks to do some work for the Foundation while I’m there... research, whatever.

The good news is that the conference is in Atlanta where my grad school roommate Sam lives, so I might get to hang with him for a few days. I may even invite myself to stay with him and his wife, although I don’t know how far they are from Downtown. Besides... I’m not sure if I want to give up the whole Conference Hotel Experience... I fucking love that shit. Reading until late at night, room service for dinner, naps in the afternoon, trysts with a pretty young Russian hotel maid...

Ok, well I’ve never actually done that last one, but it’s fun to imagine every time.

More about all that as details become available. Until then.... I need to pick something to fucking TEACH this morning.

Dave

the price is right...

I wish I'd had a camera on Friday. Circuit City was having a big day-after-Thanksgiving sale where ALL of their CD's were $9.99. You should have seen the place. It was a fucking zoo. People were going nuts. My wife and I spent $130 on Cd's! And I wish I had a camera so I could have taken a picture of the feeding frenzy and mailed it to every record company executive in the US. Do people "steal" music becuase they are evil and want everything for free? No. People download music becuase CD's ARE TOO FUCKING EXPENSIVE.

Just look at the difference that $2 - $4 makes!! Drop the price from $13.99 - $17.99 down to $9.99 and you'll sell so many fucking Cd's that you'll MORE than make up for that $4 you lose per sale. Have you guys never taken a fucking economics class? Are you fucking blind? Jesus.

D.