don't know what this means, but it can't be good...

Overheard from the other room, during bathtime tonight...

"Today we get out of the bathtub - Circus Style!!!

a dr. dave™ brand opinion survey...

Which of the following types of person is more irritating?

a) People who eat vegetarian because eating animals is just wrong and sad and makes them cry.

b) People who eat vegetarian because it is so healthy, healthy, heathy, yippee let's go for a jog.

c) All of the above.

in a crap mood...

... today, and I don't really know why, except that I spent 4 hours this morning cleaning the house for the realtors to drop by and just randomly pull a number out of their ass to slap on the house ($224,900). If we get that much for it, we'll pretty much break-even after closing costs and commissions and whatnot. I don't think we'll get that much.

It's going on the market the day after we get back from out NY trip. Our last house sold in less than a day. I'd settle for a month this time. I don't think we can keep the damned thing CLEAN for any longer than that!!!

Fucking FUCK, I hate all of this.

We've bookmarked 20 or so houses in NY to send to our realtor up there. Some of them are depressing. Can someone out there please give me a POSITIVE reason to own a house built in 18-fucking-90?? Other than the special bonus of having a ghost who watches you while you sleep? I just can't imagine it. I can maybe learn to find crooked hardwood floors "charming", but that inch-thinkness of paint on everything that makes all of the corners ROUND? Ugh.

Please, please... something "charm" us...

you've got to be fucking kidding me...

You're supposed to be HAPPY to get a job interview, right?

I just got an invitation for an interview at the ONLY college I applied to before I got the offer from my old school. (I applied online... the rest of my apps were in a pile waiting for stamps.) It's a little school, and a little department, and the classes would be boring as hell... but it's 15 minutes from my wife's parents in suburban Chicago, and when I looked at what kind of house $250,000 would buy us there it made me physically ill.

It's just a phone interview. And I haven't signed anything for the NY job yet... the Dean of the college still wants to have some kind of discussion with me next week about the job. It wouldn't hurt anyone to go through with a phone interview, right?

Fuck...

fun in the sun...

We took the kids to the beach today. Now, I'm not much of a beach person. Which is strange, because my family went every year when we were kids, and I think I enjoyed it then. But somehow that enjoyment seems not to have trickled into my adulthood. I think we must have stopped going to the beach just before I reached puberty. I can tell this because on the rare occasion that I DO wind up going to a beach, I'm always surprised and delighted to find that there are half-naked women there. It just never occurs to me until I get there that there will be all kinds of almost-naked women, and when I get there... well, it's a nice little unexpected treat. "Oh, hey... look at that! I forgot about those! Whoo-hoo!"

changing places...

I moved from that chair over there to this chair over here, because...

stiff-backed chair at café table = serious writer

comfy overstuffed lounge chair = lazy, unemployed, net-surfing slacker

Meanwhile, perky coffee-server chick (I will not use the word "barista", and you can't make me) just asked if I was "working on schoolwork". When I told her yeah - for the college classes I TEACH, she said - "Wow, you don't look old enough to be a professor!"

Fuck me now? Right here? On this table??

mixed blessing...

Yoga class was cancelled today becuase nobody showed up. (Nobody by ME that is) So instead I went to get an oil change and play "fend off the spurious services". (Gas treatment? Puh-leeze.) Then, since I was facing the wrong direction I decided to forego my usual "Offsite Office Spaces" in favor of a new coffee place called "Beaner's" (Is this a chain? Has anybody heard of this? I figured it was closer to home, and since I have some serious work to do, it will actually be an ADVANTAGE to be in a place that isn't a wi-fi zone... I can work without the distraction of blogs and email and whatnot.

Turns out to be a cozy place with good tea, and guess what? It IS a free wi-fi hotspot.

So... here I am.

Imagine that.

rejection... rebound...

I got an essay rejected by The Science Teacher last week, and tonight I turned it right around and submitted it to Skeptic magazine. I think it has a better shot there.

Wish me luck. I desperately need some pubs, even if they are in crabby killjoy mainstream geek-rags like Skeptic.

little-known statistic...

There is enough chocolate coating on a single Resse's Peanut Butter Egg to cover an entire 35" tall person completely from head to toe.

Amazing, but unfortunately true.

memes are us...

1. IF YOU COULD BUILD A SECOND HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?
When I first read this meme, I thought a really clever answer would be "Central Park"... then I saw somebody use that answer in their blog. Dammit.

2. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING?
My long black leather coat, my 36" jeans (when they used to fit) and these soft microfibery T-shirts from Target that I bought about 6 of.

3. THE LAST CDs YOU BOUGHT?
Bought? CD? You mean with music already on them? Jesus... I guess A Perfect Circle's latest.

4. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
6:00 AM, thanks to the Little Guy.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE?
I have no special attachment to any specific appliances. Although our huge refrigerator is very nice.

6. IF YOU COULD PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I can already play a bunch of instruments... guitar, bass, banjo, mandolin. It would be cool to add "fiddle" to the list (yee-ha!) but I really wish I could play piano better than I do now.

7. FAVORITE COLOR?
Black.

8. WHICH VEHICLE DO YOU PREFER, SPORTS CAR, MOTORCYCLE, OR SUV?
Sports car. I like the "idea" of a motorcycle, but I'm quite certain I would kill myself on one. SUV's are a disgusting fucking abomination.

9. DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE AFTERLIFE?
Nope. I barely believe in THIS one.

10. FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK?
Dr. Seuss - The Lorax.

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
Everything but winter.

12. IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT?
No! Needles! EEK! My wife has a Celtic Triangle Thingy on her hip, though.

13. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPERPOWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Invisibility. Sometimes I feel I'm about halfway there.

14. CAN YOU JUGGLE?
Only three. And only balls, not "clubs".

15. ONE PERSON/PEOPLE FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD GO BACK AND TALK TO?
Oh my. I'd probably say Eva, but that could only be bad. Not that that ever stopped me.

16. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
My side... shoes, empty Amazon boxes. Wife's side... vibrator and a large storage box full of... ummm... other... items...

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DAY?
The day after the last final exam.

18. WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER?
Hamburger. With bacon. And I can I get Swiss instead of American cheese? Oh sorry... I thought I was in Applebee's for a second.

19. FROM THE PEOPLE WHO NORMALLY READ YOUR BLOG, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Tiger.

20. ON WHICH BLOG DID YOU FIND THIS MEME?
Dr. Sniffly, whom I never really read until just today.

21. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER?
Orchids. White. They look Japanesey.

23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MEAL?
Pizza.

24. DESCRIBE YOUR PJS.
Bottoms - blue flannel with snowflakes. Tops - usually none.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST?
Pizza. No... kidding. French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, milk.

26. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?
Heh. What job?

27. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?
Eccentric, reclusive billionaire.

28. WHAT AGE DO YOU PLAN TO RETIRE?
Oh, 40, 45? :)

29. WHERE DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE OR SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Grad school. Our university was hosting the International Physics Olympiad, and we both got roped into being chaperones for the teams to guide these HS brainiacs around and make sure none of them had sex, got drunk, or committed suicide. She got Austria because she spoke German. I got Estonia, because nobody speaks Estonian.

30. SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT YOU HAVE NEVER DONE BEFORE.
I'm trying to think of something non-sexual here... Umm... I'll get back to you on that.

one comment...

I think I've managed to avoid so far commenting on the Terry Schiavo fiasco, but after spending some time in RightWingBlogLand, let me just say one thing...

I sincerely hope that every Christian whackjob who refers to Schiavo's impending death as "murder" gets to spend the last 20 excruciating years of their lives connected to a machine, silently begging each and every day to be allowed to die.

Who knows, with advances in medical technology, it could be 40 years.

Enjoy your long rest... assholes.

finger lickin' good...

As if anyone needed another good reason not to eat at Wendy's...

My favorite part ofthe article...

"[...] the woman, who asked officials not to identify her, is at minimal risk of contracting illnesses from the finger.

"It's an extremely low chance because the chili was cooked at a very high temperature that would have killed anything in the finger," Alexiou said. Still, she said health officials would ask the woman's doctor to test her blood "to make sure nothing got passed to her."

I'm sure that really puts her mind at ease. Yes, here at Wendy's we're always sure to cook our stray human body parts thoroughly, because food safety is our #1 concern!!

"...I'm the son of Ed McMahon...?"

I'm in Atlanta Bread Company today. I'm supposed to be working but instead I'm watching the cute employees make coffee for the cute businesswomen and cute highschool girls, and writing emails, and humming Police songs and appealing to Google to identify lyrics I've never been able to figure out after all these years...

"I'm a three line whip, I'm the sort of thing they ban..."

Oh. Really?

That makes no more sense than MY version.

I'm probably going to Yoga with Nadia today, which I'm sure I will regret.

I've had three consecutive days of 70+hits, which means I've got some new readers. I know I have some new linkers too. I think I've thanked you all personally, but if not... welcome to the party.

oh yeah, "ooh! ahhh!", that's how it always starts, but then later there's the running and the screaming...

I'm no paleontologist, but THIS just does not seem possible. And you KNOW the scientists are going to try not to talk about the obvious implication, but come on. Some nut at that lab is sneaking home a tissue sample to try to impregnate his pet iguana right now!!

please stop with the making sense talk...

I was talking with Dr. B. the other day about how all the most very popular blogs on the net seem to be ones chock full of newsy-links and thinky-politico-punditry, and how mine will never be that because I would have to spend all day reading thinky-politico-commentary like this interview with Gore Vidal and Jesus Christ... even when I AGREE with shit like this, it just makes my head hurt and makes me want to fucking scream.

So, you'll get none of that here. Just the same old tired anecdotes and whining. I look at it this way... I get paid to think, dammit. I'm not about to start doing it in my spare time as well.

daunted...

I just sit here looking at this fucking house, thinking... "How the FUCK are we ever going to get this place on the market and keep in in a condition where we can 'Show' it??" You have no idea how we live, people. It's like a house full of chimps lives here. Chimps with a Discover Card.

The only thing I can think is... fuck... let's just go get some boxes and start packing this shit up NOW. The only way to keep it clean is to just start emptying it out.

Fuck, I am NOT looking forward to this move.

We picked up a AAA map of New York and plotted the train lines on it, just to give us a better sense of what our options are, but... nothing we look at south of say Middletown comes up with houses under $275,000. We went through a bit of a panic last week when an online mortgage calculator told us we could only borrow $190,000. But when my wife put in a call to our loan counselors, they said - "Oh, no... we look at more like a 50/50 income/payment ratio, so you could probably borrow as much as $300,000." Eek! DON'T TELL US THAT!!! We'll go nuts and actually DO it.

Anyway, our fingers are crossed that we can find someplace cozy and suburban and acceptable for $250,000 - $270,000 up there. I've talked to my wife a lot about taking advantage of our proximity to NY in a way we never did when we lived on Long Island. Now that the kids are older, and a trip to the city wouldn't involve strollers and backpacks and missed naps and whatnot... we should really do it more often. I proposed that we should make it a point of spending one weekend in the city with the kids every month doing something cultural, and that each of us should get to spend one evening in the city a month ALONE, doing something we want to do. (Trips to the city as a couple will be less frequent, and only on special occasions.) Because the problem with living on Long Island was... we suffered all the COSTS of living in NY, but being 2 hours out from the city, we didn't get to enjoy enough of the benefits. We're hoping that being a half hour closer with kids that are a little more managable, we'll start to feel more a part of the NYC experience.

We're taking a trip up to NY in a few weeks. My wife's Mom is coming here to watch the kids, so we can house-hunt alone. It will be either a very enjoyable or a very depressing 3 days. Wish us luck.

essential professional wardrobe...

I took the Little Guy to the SuperTarget today to get some milk and some OJ and stuff, and since I had nothing better to do while the wife was at Girl Scouts, we trekked over to the left-hand, non-food, stuff-I-can-no-longer-afford half of the store to poke around. And because it's been so long since I bought myself anything, I allowed myself a single indulgence - one pair of $7.99 dark grey cotton drawstring lounging/pajama shorts that will henceforth be known as my Unemployment Pants.

Because the weather is getting warmer, and I have a lot of lounging to do.

hey, adoration is adoration...

An inquiring reader asks...

Q: Dr. Dave, when you say student groupies, you mean "hot female student groupies"... right??

A: Most are female. Some are hot. A few are male, and... well... while I may not get quite as much enjoyment from that, it's still... you know.... flattering? In a way? No?

morale booster...

In an attempt to improve my mood, and to force myself to start thinking more positively about the future, I spent some of last night reading old fan-emails from former students from around the time I left my Old (now Future) University. Some excerpts...

"... I hope there are no serious glitches in the process of moving... wait a minute, I take that back... I hope you never get down there, that way [The College] would still have you. Now, I'm not a big fan of that mushy shit, so I'll make this quick. The two classes I have with you were two of my favorite in my educational career. You are definitely one of the best teachers I've ever had, maybe the best. [The College] is losing a lot by letting you leave..."

And from another student...

"...anyways, if there's anything i could do to improve my situation, please let me know, i'm definitely not going to hate you if you say it's too late. it really is my fault and i could never be resentful of you because i learned more in your class than pretty much all of the other science classes i've ever taken combined. i'm not trying to kiss your ass, i promise, i don't do that, but really, i had a great time in your class both semesters, you made me realize that anyone can learn anything no matter how complicated if it's taught right. "

Yes, folks... he is THAT good.

Now you see why I wanted this job back? It's all about the Student Groupies!!

book meme...

I've seen this one in a million blogs, and I'm feeling uninspired enough to go surfing for memes so... here you go... Dave's fairly perfunctory responses...

You're stuck inside Fahrenheit 451, which book do you want to be?

Uh. I guess I'd want to be Fahrenheit 451 so I could read myself and understand what this question is asking. Didn’t they burn all the books? I would want to be whatever book doesn’t get burned. Am I stupid or is this question not asking what it thinks it's asking?

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

Dr. Ellie Arroway from Carl Sagan's "Contact". (I was 16!)

The last book you bought is:

Hmm. I bought a bunch of books at work before I lost my job. The last few were books on writing "creative non-fiction". I don’t remember the titles.

The last book you read:

William H. Calvin, "A Brief History of the Mind". Well... I think I still need to read the last few chapters. I seldom finish books... especially ones I'm reading for work.

What are you currently reading?

Steven Pinker, "The Language Instinct." And a Wired magazine.

Five books you would take to a deserted island:

Umm... a book on "Primitive Shipbuilding"?

Oh, ok...

A well-annotated "Complete Works of Shakespeare"
An Oxford English Dictionary. (I'm focusing on LENGTH here)
Something by Douglas Coupland? "Girlfriend in a Coma"?
Tolkein's "Lord of the Rings"
Some big fat classic I've never read, like "Moby Dick" or "War and Peace"

I'd trade them all for a guitar, though.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons)? And Why?

God, hasn't everybody DONE it already?

sick fantasies...

I had a dream last night that my wife and I were shopping and I discovered there was a new CD from some band and I really wanted it and it had been a really long time since I bought an actual CD and so I pleaded with my wife and she let me buy it and I was very happy.

How worried is Dave about money? How long has it been since he bought himself anything? Two weeks? AND HE'S ALREADY FANTASIZING ABOUT SHOPPING!!

Sick, I tell you.

thinking different, or not...

I'm trying to focus on the future... you know? September, new semester... teaching STUDENTS again... my old classes... I already know which two I'll be teaching, and they are AWESOME classes.... city streets... cheap Asian food and overpriced coffee... the walking... the pace... I get to use my iPod again!

But I can't think about that. At least not for long. Then I go right back to thinking about how I may not have any income whatsoever for 4 months and wondering how the FUCK we're going to get approved for a quarter of a million dollar mortgage, and imagining what kind of falling down craphole of a house that is going to buy us in NY...

This blog will likely continue to suck until mid-to late August.

i don't read the sunday paper anymore...

... because every weekly store ad has transformed itself into a big glossy message of...

"YOU CAN'T BUY ANY OF THIS BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB... LOSER !!!"

I don't need that kind of mockery.

it's the prancing...

My son was watching a My Little Pony video today

Now... you people all know me. I'm a pretty liberal guy. I have no problem with my son having a baby doll, or playing with his sister's Barbies...I don't for one minute think that playing with Strawberry Shortcakes or with Barbies will make you turn out gay or something.

But watching My Little Pony??

Yeah... I'm pretty sure that will make you gay.

even MORE official...

I've accepted the offer.

We're moving to New York.

My life is fucking insane.

stressed, much...?

If you had asked me 2 weeks ago whether it was possible to make a FIST with the muscles in your NECK I probably would have told you NO.

I would have been WRONG.

official...

My Old School in Manhattan has offered me my old job back - same salary, but as a continuation of my original 3 year contract. (So as far as salary and sabbatical calculations, it would be as if the last year away never happened.)

We're thinking. Hard. Middletown New York, up the Metro-North railroad is looking attractive. A few 3 bedroom houses for $250,000 that look live-withable. A little closer to the city than we were before.

It's such a great job. It was so stupid to leave it. I feel like I'm being given a HUGE chance here, and would be foolish not to jump on it. And yet... I'm not jumping.

Just thinking.

Fuck, I hate ALL of this.

for THIS job, however, the ponytail would probably be an asset...

And yes... this is for real...

Program Director-Science & Quest for Ultimate Reality
Center for Theology & the Natural Sciences

Manage 2 + yr. program to recruit & develop teams of scientists & philosophers / theologians / religious scholars for research grants. Responsibilities will include identifying and recruiting a wide variety of promising young scientists to explore the implications of natural science regarding ultimate reality through participation in workshops and grants for research by small teams of scientists, philosophers / theologians / religious scholars. This new program is rooted in CTNS's seven-year long Science and the Spiritual Quest (SSQ) program. Ph.D. in physical sciences preferred. The Program Director will work from Berkeley, California.

Far out, man. I think I need to add a section about my Yoga practice to my curriculum vitae.

dave could not have been less in the mood...

Please, for the love of God, please make the giant singing muppets STOP!!

freelance lifestyle...

It's 12:30 on a Monday, and I'm just now sitting down to "work" - post yoga class - at Panera Bread. (Free wireless!) Of course, today, "work" consists of checking my email obsessively to see if my ex-boss has responded to my freelance proposal, and continuing to polish up my job application materials, which I am now OFFICIALLY sick of looking at, and I haven't even sent out a single app yet.

My wife and I have this whole hour-by-hour schedule set up... who watches what kid when... who picks up who from school... when she works at home... when I work away from home. The idea is that she'll kick up her freelance work, and I'll get this contract from my old job, and we'll work ourselves silly all summer. Then, I'll get a job god-knows-where... we'll move in August, I'll weasel 3 more months of freelance work out of my old job and that will cover our moving expenses.

The other scenario is that the boss rejects my proposal, I tell him to go fuck himself, I work all summer at Circuit City just to get some health insurance, I don't get an academic job by the Fall, and we sell our house and move to Chicago to live with my wife's parents.

I am... needless to say... a fucking basket case lately.

One thing I should probably NOT do is to come to Panera Bread (and/or Atlanta Bread Company - also with free wireless) three times a week and write in my weblog.

So.. enough of that.

dr. dave tries to "spin" the past 9 months...

An excerpt from my generic academic application letter...

"I left academia just last year to take a position as the Science Director of a not-for-profit science education foundation. It was an exciting opportunity, but unfortunately, soon after I joined the foundation, the President abandoned the organization’s outreach mission, shifting the focus instead to producing educational media for commercial outlets such as the Discovery Channel. It didn’t take long to realize that scriptwriting was not the same as teaching, and that where I belonged was back in front of a classroom."

It didn't take long after they fired my ass that is. I shall leave that part out.

it's a psalm, if you must know...

How to tell your daughter's religious school is starting to have an influence...

Her: Daddy, how do you spell "panteth"?
Me: Umm... what? (looks at paper... sees it has something to do with deer.) Do you mean "panther"?
Her: No... "panteth"!
Me: Honey, I don't think that's a word.
Her: You know, like in - "As the deer panteth after the water, so my soul longeth for thee.."?
Me: (blinks) Umm...oh. "P-A-N..."

I'm very afraid.

design...

Apple-inspired whites and greys... cleaner font. (It should show in "Optima", if you've got it.)

No particular reason, except perhaps a subconscious desire for something... anything... brighter.

10 reasons it's not so bad...

1) I really did fucking hate a LOT about this job

2) My ex-boss CLAIMS to be open to a freelance agreement to help support me until September or December.

3) Worst case scenario, there seem to be TWO old jobs in NY I could come crawling back to.

4) There are actually some nice teaching positions open out there. Not just "take anything that comes along" jobs, but... good ones that could be long-term.

5) We do actually have $40,000 in the bank leftover from the sale of our house in NY. It would suck to piss that away, and it would put us right back where we started last summer, but... it's not like we're going to be eating cat food by July.

6) I miss teaching. A lot.

7) If I get a teaching job, I will occasionally see a member of the opposite sex.

8) We're being forced to curtail some spending practices that, quite frankly, were beginning to disgust me.

9) I get to spend more time with my kids. Ok... that one's a joke! But, no...really... I'm making an effort when I'm home and the wife is working to actually PLAY with the kid... not just drop him in front of the TV while I surf the web.

10) I really did fucking hate a LOT about that job.

and on his tombstone it said - "if only he'd used helvetica"...

I spent much of last night trying to break myself out of the mindset of being convinced that whether or not I ever get a job EVER is entirely dependent upon whether I choose a serif of sans-serif font for my resume. How silly is that...?

...?

It is silly... isn't it?

networking...

It only took a couple of emails, and I have two former employers in NY telling me they'd be interested in having me back. It's so tough, though... money-wise. We weren't exactly "struggling" there, but we weren't getting anywhere either... we were just making do. It is so fucking expensive... the housing... everything. But it's nice to be "wanted"... for that reason alone I'm about ready to jump on any offer.

stay at home dad checklist...

1) Manage to stave off panic attack: CHECK
2) Do dishes: CHECK
3) Yell at children: CHECK
4) Change out of pajamas by noon: CH-ummm... can we make that 3:00?
5) Arrange to sell worldly possessions on eBay: CHECK

never too depressed for a follow-up porn promise...

The promised dream-referenced Rectangle Girl.

could this week GET any fucking better...?

I got fired today.

I'll be getting a paycheck and benefits until the end of April, after which I will have a $200,000 mortgage, a brand new minivan, no job, and 2 kids with no health insurance.

How is YOUR week going, Internet?

It's not as bad as all that, but I'm pretty fucking pissed right now and would rather not get into the details.

I'll have plenty of time for blogging now, though... RIGHT?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

away...

i hop on a plane at 6 am tomorrow to go to baltimore and hang w/ my brother before his surgery.

i don't expect to have to much 'connectivity' before tuesday.

look for me then.

d.

and fuck the girl scouts, too...

Thanks to my wife's decision to come home from this week's meeting with SIX boxes of "Thin Mints", I have gained back all 5 pounds I lost last week - plus one.

I would like to take this time to thank my wife for all of her SUPPORT of my attempts to make some lifestyle changes...

THANKS!

fun parenthood day...

Sigh. Well, I've been up since 5:00 AM and now I'm home from work watching TV with a drugged, pantsless 2 year-old.

But, to begin at the beginning.

The Little Guy had to have a procedure this morning that I can only describe as a "circumcision touch-up." A fairly minor thing, although if you have an overactive "Worst Case Scenario Monster" living in your head like some of us do, anything involving general anesthesia is cause for worry and alarm.

The procedure was scheduled for 5:30 AM, which meant that my wife had to get up at 4:00 and drag him out of the house in his footie-jammies at 5:00 AM. While they were leaving, the cat got out. Which of course meant... "DAVE! THE CAT GOT OUT!!" Lovely. SO there I was, outside, in MY footie-jammies, at five in the morning , shoving a cat out from under a minivan with a push-broom.

I never really got back to sleep, then I had to get the Girl ready for school by myself, drop her off, then go meet my wife and the Little Guy in recovery. Then I went to work... they went home, he took a 3 hour nap... missed his medication... woke up SCREAMING. My wife had to go pick up my daughter and take her to Girl Scouts, and she couldn't get a diaper on the boy, SO... as you may have heard, I am now home from work watching TV with a drugged, pantsless 2 year-old.

I am a one-man cautionary tale and advertisement for the Childless Lifestyle.

the few... the proud...

Dave needs one.