it's not like it looked like "garbage" or anything...
My wife called on the phone today - hysterical-asking if I had seen "The bag of stuff from her car". See, when my wife cleans out her (shithole of a) car, she does so by scraping all of the junk out of her car into a garbage bag, and dragging it into the house where it will sit for months waiting to be sorted out and returned to its proper place. I think there is still a pile of stuff around somewhere from when she cleaned out her car before we moved!!
Anyway, it would seem that perhaps the maids THREW OUT the garbage bag of suff from her car last week, and one of the things in the bag was our son's dress shoes and the kids had an appointment this afternoon for Xmas photos and now he has no dress shoes so she'll have to buy NEW dress shoes and who knows what else might have been in that bag...
Did I mention...? She's hysterical! Totally freaking out.
And of course the only thing I'm thinking the whole time is the one thing I CAN'T say, which is - "Why... you mean the maids threw out a GARBAGE BAG full of crumpled papers and random soiled items? How could they DO such a thing? What were they THINKING?!"
Tuesday, November 30
over doing again...
I always get to Old Lady Yoga class early, so I have some time to myself in the studio before class. I usually take this time to run through a few of my favorite poses that I know we're NOT going to do in class. Today I made my first successful attempt at a full on headstand. (Against the wall, of course!)
As cool as it was to get there and hold fairly steady for 10-12 seconds or so, I predict that come tomorrow morning I will be completely unable to turn my head to the left.
Ouch!
I need to lose some more weight before I try to hold it all up with my fucking NECK.
I always get to Old Lady Yoga class early, so I have some time to myself in the studio before class. I usually take this time to run through a few of my favorite poses that I know we're NOT going to do in class. Today I made my first successful attempt at a full on headstand. (Against the wall, of course!)
As cool as it was to get there and hold fairly steady for 10-12 seconds or so, I predict that come tomorrow morning I will be completely unable to turn my head to the left.
Ouch!
I need to lose some more weight before I try to hold it all up with my fucking NECK.
Sunday, November 28
Saturday, November 27
the contributing factors...
well, there's work, where i was just sent a "project schedule" to complete our current video after everyone fucked around on the thing for a month and a half and now we're gonna finish it in two fucking weeks (never gonna happen) and one of the items on the schedule is "submit final script" which HELLO i did a fucking month and a half ago and had it tossed aside and fucking IGNORED and this week there is a job posted for a professorship at Dream East Coast Liberal Stars College where I was shortlisted two years ago and where I think I'd have an even better shot this time and I CAN'T FUCKING APPLY because what kind of asshole would I be to quit a job after 6 months and it all comes down to money in the end which SUCKS and the fact that this professorship is just sitting out there makes me regret leaving academia even more and makes me even more convinced that i have RUINED MY FUCKING CARREER by taking this job...
then there is the wife, who would buy a jar of botulism toxin if it were "free after rebate" and who chooses presents for the children based entirely on what's cheap and on sale rather than what the children might actually LIKE and, oh i don’t know ACTUALLY PLAY WITH unlike the other thousands of toys piled up knee deep in this shithole of a house...
then the kids themselves, who wake up when kids in EUROPE are still asleep, and then proceed to fight all day long and OH MY GOD when do toddlers stop communicating by REPEATING THE SAME TWO SYLLABLES OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR HOURS AT A TIME??
finally the online course, where the students don’t reply to anything i post, therefore i never post anything, therefore they never have anything to respond to, DOWNWARD SPIRAL, and which i'm so fucking disappointed and depressed about that i just want to be OVER, and yet i can't make myself do any work or grading for it at all, and i've actually started to hope that enough students complain that i get fired so i don’t have to do it all over again starting in February.
i'm sure there's more, but this isn’t really helping, y'know?
well, there's work, where i was just sent a "project schedule" to complete our current video after everyone fucked around on the thing for a month and a half and now we're gonna finish it in two fucking weeks (never gonna happen) and one of the items on the schedule is "submit final script" which HELLO i did a fucking month and a half ago and had it tossed aside and fucking IGNORED and this week there is a job posted for a professorship at Dream East Coast Liberal Stars College where I was shortlisted two years ago and where I think I'd have an even better shot this time and I CAN'T FUCKING APPLY because what kind of asshole would I be to quit a job after 6 months and it all comes down to money in the end which SUCKS and the fact that this professorship is just sitting out there makes me regret leaving academia even more and makes me even more convinced that i have RUINED MY FUCKING CARREER by taking this job...
then there is the wife, who would buy a jar of botulism toxin if it were "free after rebate" and who chooses presents for the children based entirely on what's cheap and on sale rather than what the children might actually LIKE and, oh i don’t know ACTUALLY PLAY WITH unlike the other thousands of toys piled up knee deep in this shithole of a house...
then the kids themselves, who wake up when kids in EUROPE are still asleep, and then proceed to fight all day long and OH MY GOD when do toddlers stop communicating by REPEATING THE SAME TWO SYLLABLES OVER AND OVER AGAIN FOR HOURS AT A TIME??
finally the online course, where the students don’t reply to anything i post, therefore i never post anything, therefore they never have anything to respond to, DOWNWARD SPIRAL, and which i'm so fucking disappointed and depressed about that i just want to be OVER, and yet i can't make myself do any work or grading for it at all, and i've actually started to hope that enough students complain that i get fired so i don’t have to do it all over again starting in February.
i'm sure there's more, but this isn’t really helping, y'know?
Wednesday, November 24
and another thing..
Somebody finally answered the ad I posted for partners at the tennis center (although he sounds like a dweeb!) and we were supposed to play for the first time last night and got rained out. Which sucks, cuz I'm in a "Holiday Weight Loss" race with another blogger and was hoping to get a head start.
(204 today... should have started last week, I'd already be down 2.)
So today, it's the Y - bike+treadmill, then a few upper-body machines. My arms are still killing me from doing that Monday, but in a good way. As in... "Hey look! There are MUSCLES in there!" Who knew?
I need to buy some vitamins too.
Somebody finally answered the ad I posted for partners at the tennis center (although he sounds like a dweeb!) and we were supposed to play for the first time last night and got rained out. Which sucks, cuz I'm in a "Holiday Weight Loss" race with another blogger and was hoping to get a head start.
(204 today... should have started last week, I'd already be down 2.)
So today, it's the Y - bike+treadmill, then a few upper-body machines. My arms are still killing me from doing that Monday, but in a good way. As in... "Hey look! There are MUSCLES in there!" Who knew?
I need to buy some vitamins too.
anybody want a used tv? or a used cat...?
How does a 9 pound cat ruin a $1500 HiDef TV? Well in involves a careful alignment of television, coffee table, full Diet Coke can, and a stack of magazines. If you still can't imagine it, this handy sketch might help you to visualize the situation...
And don’t think anybody in the house might, you know, apologize for leaving full cans of Diet Coke ALL OVER THE FUCKING HOUSE ALL THE TIME. Oh, no. That would involve an admission of wrongness - a trait which, as we all know, is present only on the Y-chromosome.
My mood is not particularly improving... have you figured that out?
How does a 9 pound cat ruin a $1500 HiDef TV? Well in involves a careful alignment of television, coffee table, full Diet Coke can, and a stack of magazines. If you still can't imagine it, this handy sketch might help you to visualize the situation...
And don’t think anybody in the house might, you know, apologize for leaving full cans of Diet Coke ALL OVER THE FUCKING HOUSE ALL THE TIME. Oh, no. That would involve an admission of wrongness - a trait which, as we all know, is present only on the Y-chromosome.
My mood is not particularly improving... have you figured that out?
worst jobs in science...
Yeah - see... I find it hard to feel sorry for these people. If you find yourself researching anal warts - clearly you've made some bad choices in the course of your scientific career. Like, oh, I don't know... CHOOSING A THESIS ADVISOR WHOSE SPECIALTY IS ANAL WARTS!!
D.
(thanks to Kimberly for the link.)
Yeah - see... I find it hard to feel sorry for these people. If you find yourself researching anal warts - clearly you've made some bad choices in the course of your scientific career. Like, oh, I don't know... CHOOSING A THESIS ADVISOR WHOSE SPECIALTY IS ANAL WARTS!!
D.
(thanks to Kimberly for the link.)
Tuesday, November 23
insult to injury...
So, once I realize I missed yoga class, I decided to go to the Y anyway to work out. When I got there, I decided to drop by the end of the class to aplolgoze to Kelly for missing 2 weeks in a row. The room is empty. Check the schedule...? My 11:00 Yoga class has been CANCELLED until at least the New Year.
Fuck, fuck, fucking FUCK.
Just because it's Christmas doesn't meant we don't still need our yoga class. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAINTAIN MY USUAL CALM AND CENTERED STATE-OF-MIND??!
Fuck.
So, once I realize I missed yoga class, I decided to go to the Y anyway to work out. When I got there, I decided to drop by the end of the class to aplolgoze to Kelly for missing 2 weeks in a row. The room is empty. Check the schedule...? My 11:00 Yoga class has been CANCELLED until at least the New Year.
Fuck, fuck, fucking FUCK.
Just because it's Christmas doesn't meant we don't still need our yoga class. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAINTAIN MY USUAL CALM AND CENTERED STATE-OF-MIND??!
Fuck.
Monday, November 22
hectic...
Houseguests in town last night - 2 adults, 3 kids (15, 12, and 5). The'll be gone today, but it will take some time to recover. Meanwhiles... the wife has a deadline, which means much kid-duty for ME this week. Then next week, the housguests RETURN on their drive back to TX. A few days later, the inlaws arrive for a weeklong stay. Sometime in there, Thanksgiving happened... but by the next time I get to inhale, it will be a week before Xmas.
Case in point? I just looked at the clock and realized that I totally FORGOT to go to Yoga today.
Fucking FUCK!
Houseguests in town last night - 2 adults, 3 kids (15, 12, and 5). The'll be gone today, but it will take some time to recover. Meanwhiles... the wife has a deadline, which means much kid-duty for ME this week. Then next week, the housguests RETURN on their drive back to TX. A few days later, the inlaws arrive for a weeklong stay. Sometime in there, Thanksgiving happened... but by the next time I get to inhale, it will be a week before Xmas.
Case in point? I just looked at the clock and realized that I totally FORGOT to go to Yoga today.
Fucking FUCK!
save me a talon, please...
Every year around this time, one winds up being reminded somewhere about Ben Franklin's campaign to make the turkey our "National Bird", and we all get to have a little laugh at our founding father's expense. Over at Pippa's blog she dismissed Franklin's plan as ludicrous, since it would have meant we'd have to EAT the National Bird every Thanksgiving. This is clearly a ridiculous objection. We certainly couldn't EAT the National Bird!! No. Instead, if Ben Franklin had had his way, we'd all be popping down to the market every November to pick up a 12 pound Butterball Eagle.
Mmmm! It's Raptorlicious!!
Every year around this time, one winds up being reminded somewhere about Ben Franklin's campaign to make the turkey our "National Bird", and we all get to have a little laugh at our founding father's expense. Over at Pippa's blog she dismissed Franklin's plan as ludicrous, since it would have meant we'd have to EAT the National Bird every Thanksgiving. This is clearly a ridiculous objection. We certainly couldn't EAT the National Bird!! No. Instead, if Ben Franklin had had his way, we'd all be popping down to the market every November to pick up a 12 pound Butterball Eagle.
Mmmm! It's Raptorlicious!!
Friday, November 19
because it was all just going too fucking smoothly...
The second leg of my flight was cancelled doe to fog. FOG! We can land a robot space probe on the fucking moons of Saturn, but we can't land a plane in Alabama in the FOG. Whatever...
So the upshot is, I'm stranded in North Fucking Carolina until tomorrow, and my fucking wife is hysterical crying on the phone because her plams have been disrupted. Thanks... cuz THAT is helpful when I'm standing in a long line in an airport with a bunch of irritated people.
FUCK!
The second leg of my flight was cancelled doe to fog. FOG! We can land a robot space probe on the fucking moons of Saturn, but we can't land a plane in Alabama in the FOG. Whatever...
So the upshot is, I'm stranded in North Fucking Carolina until tomorrow, and my fucking wife is hysterical crying on the phone because her plams have been disrupted. Thanks... cuz THAT is helpful when I'm standing in a long line in an airport with a bunch of irritated people.
FUCK!
the odd couple...
There is this "couple" traveling together a few rows up... and I use the term loosely, because I can't for the life of my figure out their relationship. The guy is tall (6'3"?) young, blonde, and very, very, very gay. The woman is short, old (50-ish) and looks like she has had copious amounts of plastic surgery - approaching Unnatural Joan Rivers PlasticFace. She's also wearing a fur.
They kind of remind me of Waylon Flowers and Madam.
Dave
( PS> If you have the faintest idea who that is - congratulations! You are OLD like me! Watch a lot of Hollywood Squares when you were home sick from school, did you?)
There is this "couple" traveling together a few rows up... and I use the term loosely, because I can't for the life of my figure out their relationship. The guy is tall (6'3"?) young, blonde, and very, very, very gay. The woman is short, old (50-ish) and looks like she has had copious amounts of plastic surgery - approaching Unnatural Joan Rivers PlasticFace. She's also wearing a fur.
They kind of remind me of Waylon Flowers and Madam.
Dave
( PS> If you have the faintest idea who that is - congratulations! You are OLD like me! Watch a lot of Hollywood Squares when you were home sick from school, did you?)
it's twitch-a-riffic...!
Last time I flew, I complained in my weblog about never getting seated next to an attractive, single woman in her mid 20's. Well today, it looked like I might at least get seated next to an average-looking, single woman in her mid-30's.
A step up perhaps? Yes?
She had Tourette's. I shit you not. There was just a whoooole fascinating and wonderful constellation of coughs, gulps, twitches, jerks, squeals, and grunts.
Thank god for headphones.
Last time I flew, I complained in my weblog about never getting seated next to an attractive, single woman in her mid 20's. Well today, it looked like I might at least get seated next to an average-looking, single woman in her mid-30's.
A step up perhaps? Yes?
She had Tourette's. I shit you not. There was just a whoooole fascinating and wonderful constellation of coughs, gulps, twitches, jerks, squeals, and grunts.
Thank god for headphones.
honey, have you seen The Pants...?
Wanna know who is "in charge" in our house?
Dave was out of town for 2 days. While he was away, his wife bought a $30,000 minivan.
I mean - yeah, we had all but made the decision anyway, and were just haggling over prices and colors, but still... it's the principle of the thing.
Wanna know who is "in charge" in our house?
Dave was out of town for 2 days. While he was away, his wife bought a $30,000 minivan.
I mean - yeah, we had all but made the decision anyway, and were just haggling over prices and colors, but still... it's the principle of the thing.
about the student...
I've finally accepted it.
It's not there.
Because while I can imagine not canceling all of your prior engagements and plans just to have dinner with a professor whom you like... I can NOT imagine NOT canceling all of your prior engagements and plans to possibly have SEX with a professor after whom you harbor a secret lust.
So... there you go.
It is finished.
D.
PS> I'm not EVEN gonna tell you what she stood me up in favor of... it's just too awful!
I've finally accepted it.
It's not there.
Because while I can imagine not canceling all of your prior engagements and plans just to have dinner with a professor whom you like... I can NOT imagine NOT canceling all of your prior engagements and plans to possibly have SEX with a professor after whom you harbor a secret lust.
So... there you go.
It is finished.
D.
PS> I'm not EVEN gonna tell you what she stood me up in favor of... it's just too awful!
the price is right...
Free wireless access is awesome. The second best thing is reasonably proced wireless internet access. Unlimited one-day access for $6.95?? Congrats, LaGuardia Airport... you have found the perfect price-point.
I shall now proceed to surf the web and consume largish quantities of alcohol until 7:00 PM.
D.
Free wireless access is awesome. The second best thing is reasonably proced wireless internet access. Unlimited one-day access for $6.95?? Congrats, LaGuardia Airport... you have found the perfect price-point.
I shall now proceed to surf the web and consume largish quantities of alcohol until 7:00 PM.
D.
Thursday, November 18
Wednesday, November 17
Charlotte Douglas Int'l Airport: 7:30 EDT...
When I came out of the gate in Charlotte, the first thing I saw was a food stand selling "Pizzeria Uno" pizza. So naturally - I grabbed one.
Worst. Pizza. Ever.
I'm seriously considering writing them a letter informing them that allowing airport restaurants to sell CRAP like that with their brand name on it... ummm... well... it makes me want a REAL Uno pizza even MORE now.
Dammit. They tricked me.
Plus I burned my tongue.
--- --- --- ---
Wanna hear something funny? I brought grading with me. To grade. On the trip.
Try to control yourselves.
--- --- --- ---
Gee... I hope I get to sit near the three irate old Jamaican ladies.
Hey, here's something... all day today, every once in a while I'll move in a certain way or turn in a certain position, and my back will go - "HEY! You know that thing you did with your back yesterday? Don’t do that!" That's what I get for trying to show up all the old ladies.
When I came out of the gate in Charlotte, the first thing I saw was a food stand selling "Pizzeria Uno" pizza. So naturally - I grabbed one.
Worst. Pizza. Ever.
I'm seriously considering writing them a letter informing them that allowing airport restaurants to sell CRAP like that with their brand name on it... ummm... well... it makes me want a REAL Uno pizza even MORE now.
Dammit. They tricked me.
Plus I burned my tongue.
Wanna hear something funny? I brought grading with me. To grade. On the trip.
Try to control yourselves.
Gee... I hope I get to sit near the three irate old Jamaican ladies.
Hey, here's something... all day today, every once in a while I'll move in a certain way or turn in a certain position, and my back will go - "HEY! You know that thing you did with your back yesterday? Don’t do that!" That's what I get for trying to show up all the old ladies.
in the air: 4:57 PM...
Nice takeoff. Smooth flight. So far...
I spent some time in the airport reading an old "travel diary" from early 1999 - this was even before I started my journal over at Open Diary.
God, was I a tiresome schmuck back then.
Oh... I'm so angsty and confused!!!
Shut UP, Dave.
--- --- --- ---
I just had the strangest thought. This little airplane is so noisy that I could sit here and talk out loud to myself... fairly loudly... and nobody would notice. It just struck me as a funny thing to do.
Anyway - tried to read... couldn’t. Tried to sleep... couldn't. I'm gonna try that second one again, this time with the iPod.
Nice takeoff. Smooth flight. So far...
I spent some time in the airport reading an old "travel diary" from early 1999 - this was even before I started my journal over at Open Diary.
God, was I a tiresome schmuck back then.
Oh... I'm so angsty and confused!!!
Shut UP, Dave.
I just had the strangest thought. This little airplane is so noisy that I could sit here and talk out loud to myself... fairly loudly... and nobody would notice. It just struck me as a funny thing to do.
Anyway - tried to read... couldn’t. Tried to sleep... couldn't. I'm gonna try that second one again, this time with the iPod.
home airport: 3:04 PM...
I lived in New York long enough to have this strange idea that you need to get to the airport 90 minutes - 2 hours before your flight. When you live in the small-southern-city-boonies - this is no longer the case. My flight leaves at 4:25. It took me literally 30 seconds to check in, and 3 minutes to get from ticketing through security to my gate. Now I have an hour and a half with nothing to do.
Not that I'm complaining!!
When you have 2 young kids... sitting in an airport for 2 hours alone is like a weekend at a freaking health spa.
--- --- --- ---
There is a guy over there traveling with TWO laptops... a PC and an Apple Powerbook.
What the fuck?
Pick a team, dude.
I lived in New York long enough to have this strange idea that you need to get to the airport 90 minutes - 2 hours before your flight. When you live in the small-southern-city-boonies - this is no longer the case. My flight leaves at 4:25. It took me literally 30 seconds to check in, and 3 minutes to get from ticketing through security to my gate. Now I have an hour and a half with nothing to do.
Not that I'm complaining!!
When you have 2 young kids... sitting in an airport for 2 hours alone is like a weekend at a freaking health spa.
There is a guy over there traveling with TWO laptops... a PC and an Apple Powerbook.
What the fuck?
Pick a team, dude.
progress...
I pulled out my Sony "Clié" Palm-Pilot doohickey today to bring on the trip. I haven't really used it since I moved, since I'm never more than an arm's length from my computer, and I don't have a class schedule to keep track of anymore... I really have no need for a Palm. But I figure I might need to jot down some notes and stuff on this trip, so I put new batteries in and powered it up.
It looks so lame and dated.
The screen isn't even COLOR.
I need to start using it regularly so I can convince myself I need a new one.
I pulled out my Sony "Clié" Palm-Pilot doohickey today to bring on the trip. I haven't really used it since I moved, since I'm never more than an arm's length from my computer, and I don't have a class schedule to keep track of anymore... I really have no need for a Palm. But I figure I might need to jot down some notes and stuff on this trip, so I put new batteries in and powered it up.
It looks so lame and dated.
The screen isn't even COLOR.
I need to start using it regularly so I can convince myself I need a new one.
before the trip...
Going to Old Lady Yoga class yesterday was the best decision I've made in a while. For some reason, she pulled out the really hardcore asanas this week - not only were we doing shoulder-stands, but I actually found myself doing this!. Ok... to be honest... I never actually got my head OFF the ground. But still... the top of my head, my palms, and my feet were all firmly planted on the ground in a way I would never have thought possible!
And it actually HELPED my headache! (An effect that dissolved once it cam time to haggle over minivan proces later that evening)
But anyway... today I leave for NY. You can expect lots of travel entries. I have high-speed access in the hotel room, so I'll probably be online late tonight and tomorrow - unless I happen to be having dinner (and/or sex) with a former student. But more likely I'll be depressed and chatting. Look for me. (science_director on Yahoo IM)
Gotta go pack!
Going to Old Lady Yoga class yesterday was the best decision I've made in a while. For some reason, she pulled out the really hardcore asanas this week - not only were we doing shoulder-stands, but I actually found myself doing this!. Ok... to be honest... I never actually got my head OFF the ground. But still... the top of my head, my palms, and my feet were all firmly planted on the ground in a way I would never have thought possible!
And it actually HELPED my headache! (An effect that dissolved once it cam time to haggle over minivan proces later that evening)
But anyway... today I leave for NY. You can expect lots of travel entries. I have high-speed access in the hotel room, so I'll probably be online late tonight and tomorrow - unless I happen to be having dinner (and/or sex) with a former student. But more likely I'll be depressed and chatting. Look for me. (science_director on Yahoo IM)
Gotta go pack!
Tuesday, November 16
it's getting old...
... being tired all the time. And there is nothing worse than waking up with a headache. It does not make one look forward to the day ahead. Rather, it makes one seriously consider taking a nap under the desk.
Why the fuck don't I have any advil in my office?
Anyway... I'm planning my trip to NY... priniting out maps and hotel and rental car confirmations... all that stuff. I'm trying to hook up with that same former student again. It's an overnight trip this time... wink wink. "Why don't you come back to my hotel room and we'll go over some of these physics problems together?" Never going to happen...
I'm also putting together a powerpoint I was supposed to give to a bunch of local businesspersons, but since I'll be in NY, someone else has to do it for me. Stuff like that really irks me... the whole "credit" thing? It has to do with my personality type... you know... that Myers Briggs crap? Someone once explained to to me really well. Some people need "approval" while others need "recognition". It's a subtle difference, but one that rings true. I really couldn't care less about someone saying "Good Job, Dave". I already KNOW when I've done a good job. I just want it known that Dave Did This.
But that's neither here nor there...
(What a strange expression. If it's neither here nor there, then where is it?)
I'm sorry - if you're looking for coherent blogging, you've come to the wrong place today. Maybe I should wrap this up and try again when my brain is feeling more like it fits inside my skull.
... being tired all the time. And there is nothing worse than waking up with a headache. It does not make one look forward to the day ahead. Rather, it makes one seriously consider taking a nap under the desk.
Why the fuck don't I have any advil in my office?
Anyway... I'm planning my trip to NY... priniting out maps and hotel and rental car confirmations... all that stuff. I'm trying to hook up with that same former student again. It's an overnight trip this time... wink wink. "Why don't you come back to my hotel room and we'll go over some of these physics problems together?" Never going to happen...
I'm also putting together a powerpoint I was supposed to give to a bunch of local businesspersons, but since I'll be in NY, someone else has to do it for me. Stuff like that really irks me... the whole "credit" thing? It has to do with my personality type... you know... that Myers Briggs crap? Someone once explained to to me really well. Some people need "approval" while others need "recognition". It's a subtle difference, but one that rings true. I really couldn't care less about someone saying "Good Job, Dave". I already KNOW when I've done a good job. I just want it known that Dave Did This.
But that's neither here nor there...
(What a strange expression. If it's neither here nor there, then where is it?)
I'm sorry - if you're looking for coherent blogging, you've come to the wrong place today. Maybe I should wrap this up and try again when my brain is feeling more like it fits inside my skull.
Monday, November 15
speaking of dick cheney...
I learned something odd today. The massage school where I go to get my (cheap!) massages is in "the old Kellogg, Brown, and Root building" - you can still see the outlines of the old letters on the building's facade. Well, I have no idea what KB&R actually DOES, but today I learned that thay are a subsidiary of Halliburton!!!
I'm not sure I'll be able to relax in there again.
D.
I learned something odd today. The massage school where I go to get my (cheap!) massages is in "the old Kellogg, Brown, and Root building" - you can still see the outlines of the old letters on the building's facade. Well, I have no idea what KB&R actually DOES, but today I learned that thay are a subsidiary of Halliburton!!!
I'm not sure I'll be able to relax in there again.
D.
Sunday, November 14
dave takes the conspiracy angle...
You may have heard that VP Dick Cheney was recently released from the hospital after undergoing some "tests" following some "shortness of breath" he suffered the other day.
Dave's prediction?
It's all a fake. A setup. Soon after the inauguration, Dick Cheney will suffer his fifth heart attack (faked!) and be forced to resign, after which the president will appoint a new VP, hand-picked by Karl Rove, so that the Republicans will be able to run a sitting VP for the presidency in 2008.
Wait and see!
You may have heard that VP Dick Cheney was recently released from the hospital after undergoing some "tests" following some "shortness of breath" he suffered the other day.
Dave's prediction?
It's all a fake. A setup. Soon after the inauguration, Dick Cheney will suffer his fifth heart attack (faked!) and be forced to resign, after which the president will appoint a new VP, hand-picked by Karl Rove, so that the Republicans will be able to run a sitting VP for the presidency in 2008.
Wait and see!
Saturday, November 13
no future to speak of...
We went to the Chinese buffet place next to Target for the first time last night. It was REALLY good. Surprise! Good Chinese food in Alabama!
Dinner went well until it came time for fortune cookies. I opened mine up and found...
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
"Ummm... does this mean I'm going to DIE on the way home tonight??"
We went to the Chinese buffet place next to Target for the first time last night. It was REALLY good. Surprise! Good Chinese food in Alabama!
Dinner went well until it came time for fortune cookies. I opened mine up and found...
Nothing.
Nothing at all.
"Ummm... does this mean I'm going to DIE on the way home tonight??"
a word of advice...
Altoids, expanding upon their line of "curiously strong" candystuffs, has developed a "Curiously Strong Ginger" candy. It's not bad, if you like ginger... like Chinese crystallized ginger candies, but... take Dr. Dave's word on this one...
DO NOT BITE THEM!!!
Consider yourself warned.
Altoids, expanding upon their line of "curiously strong" candystuffs, has developed a "Curiously Strong Ginger" candy. It's not bad, if you like ginger... like Chinese crystallized ginger candies, but... take Dr. Dave's word on this one...
DO NOT BITE THEM!!!
Consider yourself warned.
Friday, November 12
and by the way...
I think I'm depressed again. Maybe not full on "Ask your Doctor if Zoloft is right for you" depressed... but definitely "Stare at my computer screen all day and the thought of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear and I need a donut" depressed.
Which sucks.
Yesterday at around 3:00 I found myself marveling at what an impressive feat it is to sit at a desk for 8 hours and do.... NOTHING. I mean really... that takes a special kind of devotion to the pursuit of slacking off.
Anyway... Anybody got any suggestions for home remedies? (K...?) Vitamins? Herbs? Electrical shocks?
D.
I think I'm depressed again. Maybe not full on "Ask your Doctor if Zoloft is right for you" depressed... but definitely "Stare at my computer screen all day and the thought of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear and I need a donut" depressed.
Which sucks.
Yesterday at around 3:00 I found myself marveling at what an impressive feat it is to sit at a desk for 8 hours and do.... NOTHING. I mean really... that takes a special kind of devotion to the pursuit of slacking off.
Anyway... Anybody got any suggestions for home remedies? (K...?) Vitamins? Herbs? Electrical shocks?
D.
rationalizations...
Somebody left me a note saying, basically - "Ummm, why do you need a minivan? You only have two kids!" Which is true. You don’t need a minivan with only two kids. Unless you want to carpool to school. Or take one of your kid's friends out for a playdate. Or take your parents out to dinner. Or ever buy something bigger than 3 feet long. Or go on vacation with more than three days' worth of suitcases. Or drive cross-country without feeling like you are locked in a tiny cage with two animals and a ton of fucking GARBAGE.
Look - it's KILLING me to buy a minivan. And not just because of my "image" - all that talk is just Dr. Dave and his little funny blog crap... It's because it KILLS me to drive a vehicle that gets less than 20 mpg. I feel like I'm contributing to a trend that I DESPISE and that I think is going to be the death of our fucking planet. But I'm trying to buy the most fuel-efficient minivan I can. (The Odyssey gets 20/28 courtesy of an engine that shuts of 3 of the 6 cylinders when you're not accelerating.) And I drive a little car on the side that I PROMISE to replace with a hybrid when the time comes, OK?!
Anyway, say what you will about the minivan thing, and I'll probably agree with you. But I'm buying one anyway. There's plenty of room in the back for all my Liberal Guilt.
Somebody left me a note saying, basically - "Ummm, why do you need a minivan? You only have two kids!" Which is true. You don’t need a minivan with only two kids. Unless you want to carpool to school. Or take one of your kid's friends out for a playdate. Or take your parents out to dinner. Or ever buy something bigger than 3 feet long. Or go on vacation with more than three days' worth of suitcases. Or drive cross-country without feeling like you are locked in a tiny cage with two animals and a ton of fucking GARBAGE.
Look - it's KILLING me to buy a minivan. And not just because of my "image" - all that talk is just Dr. Dave and his little funny blog crap... It's because it KILLS me to drive a vehicle that gets less than 20 mpg. I feel like I'm contributing to a trend that I DESPISE and that I think is going to be the death of our fucking planet. But I'm trying to buy the most fuel-efficient minivan I can. (The Odyssey gets 20/28 courtesy of an engine that shuts of 3 of the 6 cylinders when you're not accelerating.) And I drive a little car on the side that I PROMISE to replace with a hybrid when the time comes, OK?!
Anyway, say what you will about the minivan thing, and I'll probably agree with you. But I'm buying one anyway. There's plenty of room in the back for all my Liberal Guilt.
Thursday, November 11
and the winner is...
It looks like the Honda Odyssey is in the lead in the mini-van shopping extravaganza.
I can't believe I'm about to spend $35,000 on a vehicle, and it's not a convertible that goes from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. That's an awful lot of money to spend on a fucking ugly, Cheerio-filled, CUBE with leather seats.
D.
It looks like the Honda Odyssey is in the lead in the mini-van shopping extravaganza.
I can't believe I'm about to spend $35,000 on a vehicle, and it's not a convertible that goes from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds. That's an awful lot of money to spend on a fucking ugly, Cheerio-filled, CUBE with leather seats.
D.
Wednesday, November 10
not that I've ever had any trouble getting it done MANUALLY, but...
... I have GOT to get me one of THESE
... I have GOT to get me one of THESE
belated music review...
Something I saw online today reminded me... I saw "The Donnas" on Letterman last week and I wanted to write a review. This is another one of those bands that I head about and heard about... and everything I heard about them was good, and so I really wanted to like them.
Than never seems to work out.
I mean... I have to give the bass player points for her funky-pawn-shop bass, and I have to give the lead guitarist points for her shaggy Malcolm Young hairstyle (And matching Malcolm Young stage presence, or lack thereof) and the drummer had a sort of Meg White enthusiasm (with a little of the Go-Go's drummer's chops thrown in)... but the whole thing didn't really add up to much more than a medicore garage band. Which I know is the sound a lot of these bands are going for, but... there's a reason garage bands never get out of the garage. It's because they suck.
Now, I'm not saying the Donnas "sucked" exactly, but they came pretty close. Especially when the guitar chords dropped out during the "solo" (such as it was) and there was literally nothing propping up the song from underneath.
Anyway - one more band to cross off my Download List.
Something I saw online today reminded me... I saw "The Donnas" on Letterman last week and I wanted to write a review. This is another one of those bands that I head about and heard about... and everything I heard about them was good, and so I really wanted to like them.
Than never seems to work out.
I mean... I have to give the bass player points for her funky-pawn-shop bass, and I have to give the lead guitarist points for her shaggy Malcolm Young hairstyle (And matching Malcolm Young stage presence, or lack thereof) and the drummer had a sort of Meg White enthusiasm (with a little of the Go-Go's drummer's chops thrown in)... but the whole thing didn't really add up to much more than a medicore garage band. Which I know is the sound a lot of these bands are going for, but... there's a reason garage bands never get out of the garage. It's because they suck.
Now, I'm not saying the Donnas "sucked" exactly, but they came pretty close. Especially when the guitar chords dropped out during the "solo" (such as it was) and there was literally nothing propping up the song from underneath.
Anyway - one more band to cross off my Download List.
fear itself...
Well, John Ashcroft is stepping down as Attorney General - news that I greeted with a reaction of "Oh, that's good... at least they probably can't appoint anyone WORSE than him." Then I heard a story on NPR this morning that presented a short-list of names for the job that included Rudolph Giuliani.
Worse. Than. Ashcroft.
And an immense fucking prick on top of it.
The thing is... Yeah it was a horrible thing that 3000 people got killed on September 11th, but the things that our government is doing to us - the erosion of our rights and civil liberties... that effects ALL 300 MILLION of us. As a result, I fear my own government FAR more than I fear any terrorist. And the only radical fundamentalists I'm afraid of are Christian - not Muslim.
I love starting out the day with thoughts like this, don't you?
Well, John Ashcroft is stepping down as Attorney General - news that I greeted with a reaction of "Oh, that's good... at least they probably can't appoint anyone WORSE than him." Then I heard a story on NPR this morning that presented a short-list of names for the job that included Rudolph Giuliani.
Worse. Than. Ashcroft.
And an immense fucking prick on top of it.
The thing is... Yeah it was a horrible thing that 3000 people got killed on September 11th, but the things that our government is doing to us - the erosion of our rights and civil liberties... that effects ALL 300 MILLION of us. As a result, I fear my own government FAR more than I fear any terrorist. And the only radical fundamentalists I'm afraid of are Christian - not Muslim.
I love starting out the day with thoughts like this, don't you?
Tuesday, November 9
Monday, November 8
weekending in red country (part 3)...
One thing that gives me solace is the possibility that there IS no such thing as Red Country. It's all about lying with data, and if you look at a map that shows not states turned bright red and blue by razor thin margins of votes, but rather county by county results - shaded in smooth gradations from red through purple to blue... you see a very different map...
Even here in Alabama, we see not the harsh primary red of election night, but a deeper, darker, more comforting red... with a bright swath of blue across the middle of the state, reminding us that even here in Alabama, 4 out of 10 people voted democratic last Tuesday. It's not so bad, this map tells us. We're not two countries. It's not about the Coasts versus the Middle. I'm not alone here. Look at all the blue in Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida, Georgia... The red in upstate New York and western Maryland. Let's not let our view of ourselves be colored by bad statistics and misleading graphics. There are still more than two ideas in this country. Maybe we should start acting like it.
One thing that gives me solace is the possibility that there IS no such thing as Red Country. It's all about lying with data, and if you look at a map that shows not states turned bright red and blue by razor thin margins of votes, but rather county by county results - shaded in smooth gradations from red through purple to blue... you see a very different map...
Even here in Alabama, we see not the harsh primary red of election night, but a deeper, darker, more comforting red... with a bright swath of blue across the middle of the state, reminding us that even here in Alabama, 4 out of 10 people voted democratic last Tuesday. It's not so bad, this map tells us. We're not two countries. It's not about the Coasts versus the Middle. I'm not alone here. Look at all the blue in Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Florida, Georgia... The red in upstate New York and western Maryland. Let's not let our view of ourselves be colored by bad statistics and misleading graphics. There are still more than two ideas in this country. Maybe we should start acting like it.
weekending in red country (part 2)...
The thing is... I wholeheartedly agree with this idea of... "The Democrats need to have respect for the values of Middle America." I just can't figure out how to do it. And I agree with the statement that the problem with us in the Intellectual Liberal Elite is that we talk only to ourselves. Well... yeah... but what am I supposed to DO with this information? Should I start listening to the local NASCAR phone-in radio show? Should I buy a gun and go shoot something just for fun? I mean... is unforgivably arrogant to believe the it's the Intellectual Elite's job to bring everyone else UP, rather than to pander down to the common denominator?
Isn't there a REASON for an "elite"? I mean... if I was extremely ill and needed surgery, I certainly wouldn't be complaining about the Intellectual Medical Elite. When I fly on an airplane, you don’t find me grousing at the Egghead Aerospace Engineer Elite. I for one am quite happy that there are smart people who know a lot about things I don’t know anything about. Why is it different with politics or culture? Why don’t people want the smartest and most well-educated and most capable people running the country? Why is it that when I use my PhD in computer science to design you a faster computer or a prettier big screen TV, I'm a part of the "spirit of innovation that makes this country great" but if I dare to collect scientific data that suggests maybe we should cut back on carbon dioxide emissions - well, then suddenly I'm living on some kind of cloud in Academia Land. I just don’t get it.
I mean - I DO get it. The political machine of the Right has figured out how to *spin* any idea it doesn't agree with and parody it into LaLaLand. Lying a lot helps too.
Like I said... It's not like I don't believe I should "respect" ideals that are different from mine, and recognize that people who base their decisions on their religious faith are quite possibly NOT all complete idiots. Even that is hard enough. But I don’t buy that I've left the planet entirely. It's a question of how to sell the message. Because I feel like the Liberal Agenda always wins in the end. Right? Right, Mr. Galileo? It may take a while, but e pur si muove... right?
The thing is... I wholeheartedly agree with this idea of... "The Democrats need to have respect for the values of Middle America." I just can't figure out how to do it. And I agree with the statement that the problem with us in the Intellectual Liberal Elite is that we talk only to ourselves. Well... yeah... but what am I supposed to DO with this information? Should I start listening to the local NASCAR phone-in radio show? Should I buy a gun and go shoot something just for fun? I mean... is unforgivably arrogant to believe the it's the Intellectual Elite's job to bring everyone else UP, rather than to pander down to the common denominator?
Isn't there a REASON for an "elite"? I mean... if I was extremely ill and needed surgery, I certainly wouldn't be complaining about the Intellectual Medical Elite. When I fly on an airplane, you don’t find me grousing at the Egghead Aerospace Engineer Elite. I for one am quite happy that there are smart people who know a lot about things I don’t know anything about. Why is it different with politics or culture? Why don’t people want the smartest and most well-educated and most capable people running the country? Why is it that when I use my PhD in computer science to design you a faster computer or a prettier big screen TV, I'm a part of the "spirit of innovation that makes this country great" but if I dare to collect scientific data that suggests maybe we should cut back on carbon dioxide emissions - well, then suddenly I'm living on some kind of cloud in Academia Land. I just don’t get it.
I mean - I DO get it. The political machine of the Right has figured out how to *spin* any idea it doesn't agree with and parody it into LaLaLand. Lying a lot helps too.
Like I said... It's not like I don't believe I should "respect" ideals that are different from mine, and recognize that people who base their decisions on their religious faith are quite possibly NOT all complete idiots. Even that is hard enough. But I don’t buy that I've left the planet entirely. It's a question of how to sell the message. Because I feel like the Liberal Agenda always wins in the end. Right? Right, Mr. Galileo? It may take a while, but e pur si muove... right?
weekending in red country...
At my wife's urging (isn’t it always) we spent Saturday at a farm just over the state line in Mississippi that sets itself up as a "Fall Festival" of sorts - with corn mazes and hayrides and all manner of wholesome farmy fun. The most entertaining part was the "cow train" which consisted of a dozen 50-gallon plastic drums that had been cut open, fitted with seats and wheels, and painted like cows, being pulled by a large John Deere tractor at disturbingly high speeds across a grassy field. Yeeha!
But for just a moment I tried to put aside my snarky, liberal-intellectual-elite disdain and look out across the farm, and the next farm, and another farm... all the way to the horizon... and I tried to put myself in the mindset of someone for whom THIS is "life"... to try to understand the worldview of people that the media is telling me is so far removed from my own that we on the Left don’t even speak the same language as the people in the middle of the country anymore. And I almost had it... looking out across a field of cotton that stretched out of sight... the sense that there is some benevolent God who looks down upon all this... the feeling that this land, these amber waves of grain, were something to be protected from "evil"... the feeling that where I was, I was so far removed from a gay person or a black person that they might as well be aliens from another galaxy...
My "Little Pink Houses Moment" was broken by the sound of the country music blasting down from a speaker bolted to a telephone pole high above the field. And I thought to myself ... "How on Earth can I be expected to find ANY common ground with ANYONE who finds ANYTHING to relate to Garth Brook's I've Got Friends in Low Places??"
(to be continued...)
At my wife's urging (isn’t it always) we spent Saturday at a farm just over the state line in Mississippi that sets itself up as a "Fall Festival" of sorts - with corn mazes and hayrides and all manner of wholesome farmy fun. The most entertaining part was the "cow train" which consisted of a dozen 50-gallon plastic drums that had been cut open, fitted with seats and wheels, and painted like cows, being pulled by a large John Deere tractor at disturbingly high speeds across a grassy field. Yeeha!
But for just a moment I tried to put aside my snarky, liberal-intellectual-elite disdain and look out across the farm, and the next farm, and another farm... all the way to the horizon... and I tried to put myself in the mindset of someone for whom THIS is "life"... to try to understand the worldview of people that the media is telling me is so far removed from my own that we on the Left don’t even speak the same language as the people in the middle of the country anymore. And I almost had it... looking out across a field of cotton that stretched out of sight... the sense that there is some benevolent God who looks down upon all this... the feeling that this land, these amber waves of grain, were something to be protected from "evil"... the feeling that where I was, I was so far removed from a gay person or a black person that they might as well be aliens from another galaxy...
My "Little Pink Houses Moment" was broken by the sound of the country music blasting down from a speaker bolted to a telephone pole high above the field. And I thought to myself ... "How on Earth can I be expected to find ANY common ground with ANYONE who finds ANYTHING to relate to Garth Brook's I've Got Friends in Low Places??"
(to be continued...)
Sunday, November 7
why dave is not exactly cut out for the whole "Man of the House" position...
"Giant flying roach! "There's a GIANT FLYING ROACH in the house!!"
If this is what fall in Alabama means... that the giant flying roaches start sneaking into the house to get warm, I'll take the fucking 90 degree heat back, thanks.
"Giant flying roach! "There's a GIANT FLYING ROACH in the house!!"
If this is what fall in Alabama means... that the giant flying roaches start sneaking into the house to get warm, I'll take the fucking 90 degree heat back, thanks.
Friday, November 5
Thursday, November 4
thursday already...?
You know - I was gonna continue the post-election punditry, but I just can't do it. I can't think about it anymore. The cognitive dissonance is too draining.
I'm downloading music for meditation and yoga. Lots of eastern stuff. Traditional. Trying to keep away from the New-Agey K-mart Compilations, but I have to admit... some of it is kinda nice. Oooh... waterfalls!
I'm gonna hit the gym today at the Y. I did about 40 minutes between the treadmill and the stationary bike yesterday. I read "Physics and Philosophy" by Werner Heisenberg while I exercised. Look at me! I'm the Liberal Intellectual Elite!!
[pause]
Oops... I'm not gonna go to the gym today, cuz the guys in the office went out for Chinese food. So instead I ate too much Chinese food and I feel sick.
It's one of THOSE days.
You know - I was gonna continue the post-election punditry, but I just can't do it. I can't think about it anymore. The cognitive dissonance is too draining.
I'm downloading music for meditation and yoga. Lots of eastern stuff. Traditional. Trying to keep away from the New-Agey K-mart Compilations, but I have to admit... some of it is kinda nice. Oooh... waterfalls!
I'm gonna hit the gym today at the Y. I did about 40 minutes between the treadmill and the stationary bike yesterday. I read "Physics and Philosophy" by Werner Heisenberg while I exercised. Look at me! I'm the Liberal Intellectual Elite!!
[pause]
Oops... I'm not gonna go to the gym today, cuz the guys in the office went out for Chinese food. So instead I ate too much Chinese food and I feel sick.
It's one of THOSE days.
Wednesday, November 3
on a lighter note...
I was shoping for some ever-elusive men's yoga clothes today, and I came across these pants and all I have to say is... "underwear optional"?? You've got to be kidding! Because I think my presence in Yoga class makes some of the women there uncomfortable enough without showing up in the extra-snug-fitting, "underwear optional" YogaMan Pants.
I was shoping for some ever-elusive men's yoga clothes today, and I came across these pants and all I have to say is... "underwear optional"?? You've got to be kidding! Because I think my presence in Yoga class makes some of the women there uncomfortable enough without showing up in the extra-snug-fitting, "underwear optional" YogaMan Pants.
hey, oh, way to go, ohio...
Taken from Salon.com...
This saves me the trouble of putting a lot of my thoughts this morning into words. I'm thinking it may be time to admit that my idealistic vision of what I think this country is supposed to "be" is just a load of hippie crap. It's not a democracy - it's a representative Republic, and our "representatives" are all rich, old white guys. (Sorry, Mr. Obama, as impressive as you are, I believe "Obama" is in fact the Swahili word for "token".) It's not a country founded on freedom, it's a country founded by religious zealots and Puritans who's descendents are secretly longing for a good old-fashioned witch hunt or holy war. The country has been hijacked by people who pay lip service to selected parts of the Bill of Rights when cornered, but who believe the only real Laws were written 2000 years ago by a bunch of people in sandals who routinely talked to God.
And maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is just a inevitable but temporary "pendulum swing" to the right. But how long to these swings last? 10 years? 20? 50? I'm not sure I can wait that long.
Does anybody know of any books that might help one deal with life as an ideological minority under an oppressive regime? I think I may need some encouragement.
Taken from Salon.com...
In the ballroom at Columbus's Renaissance hotel, where several dozen weary Kerry supporters are still waiting for an electoral miracle, David Gergen appeared on a monitor and said something that many here are thinking. "For an awful lot of people on the losing side, there's going to be a sense of alienation, of, is this the country we thought it was?" he asked. A few people actually applauded this statement. Others just nodded their heads.
This saves me the trouble of putting a lot of my thoughts this morning into words. I'm thinking it may be time to admit that my idealistic vision of what I think this country is supposed to "be" is just a load of hippie crap. It's not a democracy - it's a representative Republic, and our "representatives" are all rich, old white guys. (Sorry, Mr. Obama, as impressive as you are, I believe "Obama" is in fact the Swahili word for "token".) It's not a country founded on freedom, it's a country founded by religious zealots and Puritans who's descendents are secretly longing for a good old-fashioned witch hunt or holy war. The country has been hijacked by people who pay lip service to selected parts of the Bill of Rights when cornered, but who believe the only real Laws were written 2000 years ago by a bunch of people in sandals who routinely talked to God.
And maybe I'm wrong, and maybe this is just a inevitable but temporary "pendulum swing" to the right. But how long to these swings last? 10 years? 20? 50? I'm not sure I can wait that long.
Does anybody know of any books that might help one deal with life as an ideological minority under an oppressive regime? I think I may need some encouragement.
election night: 11:59 pm...
When I made my prediction this afternoon, I thought I was being conservative. I thought it was actually going to be a stronger victory for Kerry than THAT... I just didn't want to make an overconfident call.
I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking alien, or somebody who has been wrongly institutionalized. I look around and everybody is just fucking crazy except for me. I mean really.... what the FUCK?
CNN just called Ohio. One minute before midnight.
I'm just... befuddled more than anything. I don't even have the energy to start thinking about the "implications" of four more years and 3 Supreme Court judges and who knows...
By the morning, it's looking like something very close to Dave's "Scenario Number Three " will be the final story.
I am... for a change... at a loss for words.
When I made my prediction this afternoon, I thought I was being conservative. I thought it was actually going to be a stronger victory for Kerry than THAT... I just didn't want to make an overconfident call.
I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking alien, or somebody who has been wrongly institutionalized. I look around and everybody is just fucking crazy except for me. I mean really.... what the FUCK?
CNN just called Ohio. One minute before midnight.
I'm just... befuddled more than anything. I don't even have the energy to start thinking about the "implications" of four more years and 3 Supreme Court judges and who knows...
By the morning, it's looking like something very close to Dave's "Scenario Number Three " will be the final story.
I am... for a change... at a loss for words.
election night: 11:59 pm...
When I made my prediction this afternoon, I thought I was being conservative. I thought it was actually going to be a stronger victory for Kerry than THAT... I just didn't want to make an overconfident call.
I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking alien, or somebody who has been wrongly institutionalized. I look around and everybody is just fucking crazy except for me. I mean really.... what the FUCK?
CNN just called Ohio. One minute before midnight.
I'm just... befuddled more than anything. I don't even have the energy to start thinking about the "implications" of four more years and 3 Supreme Court judges and who knows...
By the morning, it's looking like something very close to Dave's "Scenario Number Three " will be the final story.
I am... for a change... at a loss for words.
When I made my prediction this afternoon, I thought I was being conservative. I thought it was actually going to be a stronger victory for Kerry than THAT... I just didn't want to make an overconfident call.
I just don't get it. I feel like a fucking alien, or somebody who has been wrongly institutionalized. I look around and everybody is just fucking crazy except for me. I mean really.... what the FUCK?
CNN just called Ohio. One minute before midnight.
I'm just... befuddled more than anything. I don't even have the energy to start thinking about the "implications" of four more years and 3 Supreme Court judges and who knows...
By the morning, it's looking like something very close to Dave's "Scenario Number Three " will be the final story.
I am... for a change... at a loss for words.
Tuesday, November 2
election day: 7:42 pm...
A few states that might have been close according to the polls are NOT... NJ to Kerrey, NC and WV to Bush. Still no surprises. Trends show FL leaning more to Bush than 2000, which is fine, since I already called FL for Bush. It's gonna come down to OH, folks. The Doc's prediction stands.
--- --- ---
PS> Electoral Masturbation update - if Kerry loses either OH or PA in Dave's favored model, he can still win by a tiny margin by taking both NM and CO. A long shot, but I figure I'd mention it since I've been taking Pennsylvania for granted.
A few states that might have been close according to the polls are NOT... NJ to Kerrey, NC and WV to Bush. Still no surprises. Trends show FL leaning more to Bush than 2000, which is fine, since I already called FL for Bush. It's gonna come down to OH, folks. The Doc's prediction stands.
PS> Electoral Masturbation update - if Kerry loses either OH or PA in Dave's favored model, he can still win by a tiny margin by taking both NM and CO. A long shot, but I figure I'd mention it since I've been taking Pennsylvania for granted.
election day: part two... the dr's predictions...
SCENARIO ONE: Dave's dream scenario: Kerry takes PA and OH, as well as MI, IL, WI, MN. Kerry takes NM and CO, and narrowly, FL and wins 313 electoral votes to 225. (Without FL, he still wins 286-252) Dave goes to bed early.
SCENARIO TWO: More likely - Bush takes FL. Bush also takes either CO or NM but not both. Kerry takes PA and OH and the midwestern swing states. Kerry also keeps both HI and NH. Kerry wins 284 electoral votes to Bush's 254.
SCENARIO THREE: Dave's nightmare scenario - Kerry keeps NH and HI, and most of the midwest swing states, but Bush takes BOTH Florida and Ohio for 285 electoral votes to Kerry's 253.
My official prediction is Scenario Two - Kerry by a narrow, but not litigatiable margin.
(Bonus prediction - Kerry gets 50.1% of the popular vote to Bush's 48.4%)
SCENARIO ONE: Dave's dream scenario: Kerry takes PA and OH, as well as MI, IL, WI, MN. Kerry takes NM and CO, and narrowly, FL and wins 313 electoral votes to 225. (Without FL, he still wins 286-252) Dave goes to bed early.
SCENARIO TWO: More likely - Bush takes FL. Bush also takes either CO or NM but not both. Kerry takes PA and OH and the midwestern swing states. Kerry also keeps both HI and NH. Kerry wins 284 electoral votes to Bush's 254.
SCENARIO THREE: Dave's nightmare scenario - Kerry keeps NH and HI, and most of the midwest swing states, but Bush takes BOTH Florida and Ohio for 285 electoral votes to Kerry's 253.
My official prediction is Scenario Two - Kerry by a narrow, but not litigatiable margin.
(Bonus prediction - Kerry gets 50.1% of the popular vote to Bush's 48.4%)
election day: part one...
I wanted to audioblog this entry, but the Audioblogger.com site seems to be down, and when I call the number, the login message just keeps repeating and repeating. Weird.
Anyways, my boss said we could take an hour off work to vote today...
I took three.
In my defense, one of them was my lunch, but still. It was complicated. My daughter is home sick from school today, and my wife was going to take her out to the videostore but when she went to leave the car wouldn't' start. So she called me and I drove home. (Nothing makes me feel more manly than coming to the rescue with jumper cables. It's the only thing I know how to do to a car besides drive it and put gas in it, but dammit... I do it well) We were going to go vote together, but the Little One was asleep, so I stayed home while she took the Sick One to get a video. Then while she was out she called and said "The lines are pretty long, so I'm just gonna vote now while I'm out." Ok... so I stayed home for an hour while the kid slept. Then when she got home she said the lines were shorter now and I should vote on the way back to work. Which I did. Then I stopped for KFC on the way back to work.
The upshot? I voted, and it took three hours
*** *** ***
As cynical as I am sometimes, and as much as I grumble about the whole unpleasant process of American Politics, I have to say... I'm still idealistic enough to get a little thrill at the idea of voting... a little sense of pleasure out of seeing the parking lot of the polling place (the Abba Shriner's Temple **) so packed with cars. Even if 60% of these rednecks ARE voting for the wrong guy.
Oops... look... it wore off, right there, just then.
*** *** ***
The wife rented "Fahrenheit 9/11" for us to watch when we got bored with the returns tonight, but I have to say... it ain't gonna happen. I'm too obsessed about this one. I've been tracking the polls and watching the swing states and all that. I've even got a daily-updated Electoral College map on my desktop. The wife accused me of contributing to the widespread "electoral masturbation" taking place in the media, but I don’t care. Unless there is an unexpected electoral landslide for Kerry, I'll be watching it all night.
Keep an eye here for updates!
D.
(**) Could someone, anyone, please explain to me what the Shriners are and what they do? While you're at it, any other weird old-man cults... Knights of Columbus, Tall Cedars, Elks, Moose... what the hell is going on there? It just makes me picture Fred Flintstone in that Water Buffalo hat.
I wanted to audioblog this entry, but the Audioblogger.com site seems to be down, and when I call the number, the login message just keeps repeating and repeating. Weird.
Anyways, my boss said we could take an hour off work to vote today...
I took three.
In my defense, one of them was my lunch, but still. It was complicated. My daughter is home sick from school today, and my wife was going to take her out to the videostore but when she went to leave the car wouldn't' start. So she called me and I drove home. (Nothing makes me feel more manly than coming to the rescue with jumper cables. It's the only thing I know how to do to a car besides drive it and put gas in it, but dammit... I do it well) We were going to go vote together, but the Little One was asleep, so I stayed home while she took the Sick One to get a video. Then while she was out she called and said "The lines are pretty long, so I'm just gonna vote now while I'm out." Ok... so I stayed home for an hour while the kid slept. Then when she got home she said the lines were shorter now and I should vote on the way back to work. Which I did. Then I stopped for KFC on the way back to work.
The upshot? I voted, and it took three hours
As cynical as I am sometimes, and as much as I grumble about the whole unpleasant process of American Politics, I have to say... I'm still idealistic enough to get a little thrill at the idea of voting... a little sense of pleasure out of seeing the parking lot of the polling place (the Abba Shriner's Temple **) so packed with cars. Even if 60% of these rednecks ARE voting for the wrong guy.
Oops... look... it wore off, right there, just then.
The wife rented "Fahrenheit 9/11" for us to watch when we got bored with the returns tonight, but I have to say... it ain't gonna happen. I'm too obsessed about this one. I've been tracking the polls and watching the swing states and all that. I've even got a daily-updated Electoral College map on my desktop. The wife accused me of contributing to the widespread "electoral masturbation" taking place in the media, but I don’t care. Unless there is an unexpected electoral landslide for Kerry, I'll be watching it all night.
Keep an eye here for updates!
D.
(**) Could someone, anyone, please explain to me what the Shriners are and what they do? While you're at it, any other weird old-man cults... Knights of Columbus, Tall Cedars, Elks, Moose... what the hell is going on there? It just makes me picture Fred Flintstone in that Water Buffalo hat.
parenting...
When you have children, you find yourself looking on the bright side of things that, before you had children, would have most likely not had any bright side at all. You actually find yourself having thoughts like - "Good thing I was able to catch some of the vomit in my hand!" or "At least she didn't come into our room and throw up 10 minutes ago when we were having sex!" You will even seriously think things like - "Gosh, I hope that *I* get violently ill with intestinal flu and not the baby!"
The truest measure of parental love is simple fact that when my daughter threw up (carrots!) on my carpet at 12:30 AM last night, I DID NOT chase her around the house screaming and drenching her with a squirt-bottle like I did to the cat when she peed on the bed just a day before. Even though it took 10 times as long to clean up. In fact, that reaction didn't even occur to me. Which says a lot for the biological child-rearing imperative, I think.
When you have children, you find yourself looking on the bright side of things that, before you had children, would have most likely not had any bright side at all. You actually find yourself having thoughts like - "Good thing I was able to catch some of the vomit in my hand!" or "At least she didn't come into our room and throw up 10 minutes ago when we were having sex!" You will even seriously think things like - "Gosh, I hope that *I* get violently ill with intestinal flu and not the baby!"
The truest measure of parental love is simple fact that when my daughter threw up (carrots!) on my carpet at 12:30 AM last night, I DID NOT chase her around the house screaming and drenching her with a squirt-bottle like I did to the cat when she peed on the bed just a day before. Even though it took 10 times as long to clean up. In fact, that reaction didn't even occur to me. Which says a lot for the biological child-rearing imperative, I think.
Monday, November 1
fun at the "Y"...
When I walked into the YMCA on the way to yoga class, there was a little bent-over old lady standing next to the door, talking to a bunch of her grey-haired friends. As I walked by, I noticed that she was telling a joke. I came in on the middle of the joke, but I got the drift...
".... poor thing, I wonder what's the matter with her? Then about 5 minutes later, the lady walked OUT of the doctor's office. She was still using her cane, but she was walking just as straight as can be. (At this, the lady telling the joke straightened up, revealing that the bent-overedness was just part of the gag.) and the other lady thought, "Wow that's amazing - she looks so much better! I wonder what the Doctor did to her?" And so she walked up to the old lady and said, "Excuse me, but I noticed that when you walked into the doctor's office, you were walking all bent over on your cane, and now you're walking nice and straight and tall. And you were only in there for a couple of minutes! I was wondering if you could tell me what exactly the doctor did for you?"
"Simple," replied the little old lady, "I just asked him for a longer cane."
Which wouldn't be an exceptionally funny joke but for the fact that it was being told by a 70 year-old woman, and scored riotous laughter from her septuagenarian audience.
*** *** ***
Also today at the Y: Black "racer-back" Nike tanktop renders Dave unable to take his eyes off the mirror in the front of yoga class, ensnared as he was by the sublime perfection of his instructor's backish-shoulder-neckal regions.
sigh...
When I walked into the YMCA on the way to yoga class, there was a little bent-over old lady standing next to the door, talking to a bunch of her grey-haired friends. As I walked by, I noticed that she was telling a joke. I came in on the middle of the joke, but I got the drift...
".... poor thing, I wonder what's the matter with her? Then about 5 minutes later, the lady walked OUT of the doctor's office. She was still using her cane, but she was walking just as straight as can be. (At this, the lady telling the joke straightened up, revealing that the bent-overedness was just part of the gag.) and the other lady thought, "Wow that's amazing - she looks so much better! I wonder what the Doctor did to her?" And so she walked up to the old lady and said, "Excuse me, but I noticed that when you walked into the doctor's office, you were walking all bent over on your cane, and now you're walking nice and straight and tall. And you were only in there for a couple of minutes! I was wondering if you could tell me what exactly the doctor did for you?"
"Simple," replied the little old lady, "I just asked him for a longer cane."
Which wouldn't be an exceptionally funny joke but for the fact that it was being told by a 70 year-old woman, and scored riotous laughter from her septuagenarian audience.
Also today at the Y: Black "racer-back" Nike tanktop renders Dave unable to take his eyes off the mirror in the front of yoga class, ensnared as he was by the sublime perfection of his instructor's backish-shoulder-neckal regions.
sigh...
bring it on...
Two factors that have contributed to the current Candy Situation in our house...
As a result, should tomorrow's botched election result in widespread civil unrest, I will be able to easily ride out the conflict, locked inside my home, subsisting entirely on Miniature Twix.
Two factors that have contributed to the current Candy Situation in our house...
1) We didn’t get NEARLY as many trick-or-treaters here as we used to in NY. Maybe 20 door-knocks, tops.
2) The people who already live here KNOW how few trick-or-treaters there are, therefore our kids got giant handfuls of candy from every house they visited.
As a result, should tomorrow's botched election result in widespread civil unrest, I will be able to easily ride out the conflict, locked inside my home, subsisting entirely on Miniature Twix.
the best of suburbia...
One of the coolest things about living in a big (or "biggish") city are the free weeklies. In Baltimore, it was "The City Paper", in New York - the "Village Voice". And once a year, the free city papers always put out their "Best of the City" issues. This is the place to find out which hole-in-the wall Chinese restaurant has the best food, or that "Killer Trash" is the best funky thrift shop in Baltimore, or that the place to go for Sicilian-style pizza in NY is "Krispy Pizzeria". So it was with great excitement that I opened the Sunday paper this weekend to find a "Best of Mobile" section. Oh what hidden local treasures await?!
Best Pizza? (drumroll please...)
Best Italian Food?
The list goes on...
You have GOT to be shittin' me! The fucking Olive Garden?, I don’t even LIKE Italian, and I know enough to know that the Olive Garden is the Wal-Mart of Italian food!
Of course, Wal-Mart made the list too.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love suburbia as much as the next guy, probably more, and it's no secret that we're more likely to be seen dining at Applebee's or shopping at Target than anyone else, but I don’t live under some kind of illusion that these are the finest culinary and shopping experiences that the world has to offer. They are simply THERE. And if the Olive Garden really is the finest Italian dining experience that the area has to offer... I really did NOT need to know that! It's downright depressing.
One of the coolest things about living in a big (or "biggish") city are the free weeklies. In Baltimore, it was "The City Paper", in New York - the "Village Voice". And once a year, the free city papers always put out their "Best of the City" issues. This is the place to find out which hole-in-the wall Chinese restaurant has the best food, or that "Killer Trash" is the best funky thrift shop in Baltimore, or that the place to go for Sicilian-style pizza in NY is "Krispy Pizzeria". So it was with great excitement that I opened the Sunday paper this weekend to find a "Best of Mobile" section. Oh what hidden local treasures await?!
Best Pizza? (drumroll please...)
Pizza Hut
Best Italian Food?
Olive Garden
The list goes on...
You have GOT to be shittin' me! The fucking Olive Garden?, I don’t even LIKE Italian, and I know enough to know that the Olive Garden is the Wal-Mart of Italian food!
Of course, Wal-Mart made the list too.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love suburbia as much as the next guy, probably more, and it's no secret that we're more likely to be seen dining at Applebee's or shopping at Target than anyone else, but I don’t live under some kind of illusion that these are the finest culinary and shopping experiences that the world has to offer. They are simply THERE. And if the Olive Garden really is the finest Italian dining experience that the area has to offer... I really did NOT need to know that! It's downright depressing.
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