signal strength... "marginal"...

I don't know if the walls in our house are lined with lead, or if it's just all the weird 45º angle hallways, but I can NOT get any kind of decent wireless signal in my bedroom. I mean... in the old house we had the router on the 2nd floor and I could get a clean signal in the BASEMENT. So I ordered a 6dB high-gain external antenna for our wireless router for $30 from Amazon, and I hooked it up today and...

IT DOES FUCKING DICK-SQUAT

God dammit.

oscar thoughts...

I wasn't feeling up to a realtime Blogfest last night, so instead I present a small random sampling of my comments on last night's Oscar broadcast, culled from a running chat session with the always electrolicious Ariel. (With a few additions after-the-fact.)

--

The Oscar people need to hire some shorter escort/models so as not to make all the actors and actresses look like PATHETIC DWARFS.

Carlos Santana needs to learn a fourth lick. I mean, he's a legend and all, but... everything he plays comes out as Black Magic Woman.

I'm sorry, but Salma Hayek is just not human. There is no way that is the result of genetics alone.

John Williams got nominated for the Harry Potter Score? Hack! He could compose a Nokia ringtone and they'd nominate him for an Oscar.

I'm sorry, but Renee Zellwegger always looks better "fat". (As in - normal weight for any non-actress woman.) Hello? Bridget Jones III anyone?

I eschewed formal Mardi Gras balls this year... but next year I am GOING to one and I'm wearing exactly what Johnny Depp wore last night.

So when you go to a birthday party at one of these Beyoncé-type peoples' house... is it all... "Ha-A-aa-aa-AAA-aapeee Bii-II-ii-ii-rthday to... you-woo-WOO-hooo-wooo-OOO-ooouuuu..."

Hillary Swank's dress...? Wow. She must have gotten her asscrack surgically closed before the ceremony.

Did everyone catch Jamie Fox campaigning to star in the Sidney Poitier story?? How cheap and opportunistic was THAT?

Julia Roberts would like to thank her twins for assisting with her "look" tonight. Jesus, Julia... breastfeeding, much?

---

I know it's not much, but... hey... it's FREE ENTERTAINMENT people... what do you want from me??

where is dave...?

It's 9:30 PM on a Saturday night, and where is Dave?

At WORK! Writing SCRIPTS!! And eating MICROWAVE DINNERS!!

It's... it's...

Well...

It's kinda nice actually. Quiet.

starting the weekend with a nice dose of blasphemy...

So, the Pope is in the hospital again. This time he's been given a tracheotomy. Soon he's going to be like Steven Hawking... you know... with the computer voice. Maybe next they can outfit him with one of those monkey-robot-arms. It's RoboPope! I mean, if a monkey can learn to feed itself with a robot arm, certainly the Pope could use one to make that crossy-gesture.

This man will never die.

Vatican City, 2025: An announcement today from the Papal Animated Brain in a Jar... "Human cloning" says the Holy Cerebrum, "Is an abomination against God. Medical science should stick to morally righteous uses of technology, such as the disturbing extension of human life at all costs."

progress report 4...

Am I self-absorbed yet?

1) Dave will go to yoga class on Monday and Friday - Yes: Yoga with Nadia again today. That woman is brutal. I'm glad it's not just me, because more than a few women will frequently come out of poses when they've had enough and look around with this expression that says... "What the FUCK?"

2) Dave will go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday - Yes: I didn't want to go, but I did. I sat down on the stationary bike thing and started to pedal, and my quadriceps said - "Umm.. excuse me, but didn't we just DO this whole 'pedal-pedal-pedal' thing a couple of days ago? Because... yeah... I could really do without that, thanks." But we did not listen to the voices inside our legs, and we rode for 15 minutes anyway.

Then on the treadmill, not only did I do my full 15 (+1 even) but a few times I kicked the speed from 3.5 up to 5.0 and brke into a jog. Dave! Who does not run! Who once calmly explained to his high school gym teacher that, no, he did not feel like running, and was not going to run so he could just go right ahead and give him detention, may I go now? That same Dave! Runned!

3) Dave will drink tea and water and nothing else - Once again: Yet another glass of OJ. But no milk, still. The Cow Squeezings, they are my true weakness. Thus, I still claim a general victory on item #3.

4) Dave will not eat crappy fast food for lunch all week - Ummm... Well, I did fine with lunch, but I kinda had a mishap on the way home where I found myself at "Books a Million" buying a chunky chocolate brownie from the Joe Muggs café. (Small, brown, rectangular parallelepipeds of distilled ecstacy!) I only ate half of it though. The other half is still in my car. And haunting my every thought.

Also, we had houseguests, so the house was full of Nibbly Things. As a result, I've slipped back a half pound or so up to 201, according to the trusty bathroom scale. (As opposed to the scale at the gym which claims that I weigh 203.4 BECAUSE IT FUCKING LIES! SUCK IT, GYM SCALE!!)

Uh. Sorry. No more Dooce for me.

progress report 3...


1) Dave will go to yoga class on Monday and Friday - Yes: No change. But one bit of news... I drove a path I don't usually travel in the mornings so I could go to Target before work (turns out the Market Bazaar stuff went 75% off TODAY! **) and I passed a place called "Synergy Yoga and Pilates" that I had never seen or heard of before. I peeked in the windows and it looked somewhat incomplete - as if it had either just closed or had not quite opened for business. I'm hoping it's the latter. A new yoga place in town would be awesome.

2) Dave will go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday - We'll see: Crap. That's today, isn't it? I TOTALLY do not feel like the gym today. This is the real test!!

3) Dave will drink tea and water and nothing else - Almost: Another glass of OJ at night.

4) Dave will not eat crappy fast food for lunch all week - Not Quite: The plan was to have an apple around lunchtime and then wait until 2:30 or so to eat my REAL lunch. (See below to find out what happened at 2:30) So I didn't eat luch and when I got home I ate a few too many handfulls of Honey Nut Cheerios.

Funny cereal story. The wife was grocery shopping with the kids and decided to try buying some Honey Nut Cheerios. The boy got very upset about this, and began exclaiming - "No! No! No Bzzzzz! NO BZZZZ!" It took a while for my wife to figure out what his problem was. "Sweetie," my wife explained, "I can assure you that there are no actual bees in the cereal."

Two year-olds do NOT understand product "mascots".

5) Dave will not allow his wife to get an early jump on buying the Easter candy - Yes. Except for a few Peeps (bleah!) we are still mercifully candy free.

If I leaned *just so* while standing on the scale today, it read, kinda, barely, almost under 200. Like...199.7. We are on track to be firmly on the southside of 200 by the weekend.

I WILL GO TO THE GYM TODAY AND HATE IT!!

Dave

(** I spent a hundr- er... I mean.. I SAVED $300 at Target this morning!! Pictures to come.)

this post will be deleted in a week...

My wife is insane.

I'm not sure if there is a name for her disorder, but it may be related to OCD... whereby she tries to plan and accomplish FAR MORE THAN ANY REASONABLE HUMAN BEING POSSIBLY COULD.

Example...

She has a Girl Scout Troop. "Daisies" actually. I could probably stop there. But this week they were doing some kind of multi-cultural who-knows-what... and the kids got to pick a country to all learn about and they picked Japan. Ok. So... she's planning this Japan thing for a week. The list of activities includes....

* Bringing in WW2 era-dolls from her late grandfather who was stationed in Okinawa.
* Bringing in an authentic Japanese kimono (see above)
* Having the girls color pictures of kimonos downloaded from the net.
* Having the girls color pictures of the Japanese flag downloaded from the net
* Having the girls listen to authentic Japanese music downloaded from the net (by Husband) and burned to CD (by Husband)
* Having the girls try some Japanese food. (Vegetarian sushi and green tea - and even THAT takes the entire week to find in fucking Alabama.)
* Having the girls try an authentic Japanese dessert made with red-bean-paste, which has to be made from scratch because there is not a single Asian market anywhere in town.
* Having the girls learn to write their name in Kanji.

I'm SURE I'm missing something. Let me again remind you that these girls are SIX!! And this is like, a single one-hour meeting. But that's not even the worst part. It would be one thing if she could actually DO all that without this happening...

2:39 PM, Tuesday... Ring-Ring!...

Dave: "Hello?"
Wife: "I'matGirlScoutsandIforgotthekimonobecauseIwasironingit
andIlefttheirononandIdidn'tbringthelistofactivities, andthere'sanenvelopeandacheckandanapplicationonmydeskforoneofthegirls
andineedyoutobringmethisstuffandthebeltforthekimonoisonthetable. Bye."

See... so now I'M sucked in to her little game. Now I have to make THREE 25 minute drives in rain and traffic and I have to miss a half-day of work, and now I'm goingtohavetocomeintoworkSaturdaynight becauseIcan'ttakeapersonaldaybecauseI'mgoingtoBaltimorenextweekend..

So now I'M all stressed out.

This is not an isolated incident.

Christmas? Oh my god. The cookies! The homemade gifts! The knitting!! Birthday parties?? Jesus. It's like the fucking Olympic Opening Ceremonies at one of our kids' birthday parties... I kid you not. "Release the doves!!"

It makes me crazy.

And like I said... it would be one thing if she could actually DO IT without completely freaking out BUT SHE CAN'T!! Because NOBODY CAN!! Because it's TOO MUCH!!

Sigh. Ok. I'm better now.

progress report 2...

Day 2 (and a half)

1) Dave will go to yoga class on Monday and Friday - Yes: No change.

2) Dave will go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday - Yes: Did 15 minutes on the bike, 15 on the treadmill and a couple of upper-body machines. Not much, but it's a start. (I like to set achievable goals.) I don't want to get all crazy with the machines... I fucking hate those things. I just want to build enough upper-body strength that my shoulders aren't shaking by the middle of the fifth Sun Salutation. "Now lower sloooowly..." Ugh. Right.

3) Dave will drink tea and water and nothing else - Almost: Around bedtime I got an insane craving for a glass of milk. And a glass of milk requires something for the milk to wash down, lest the milk feel lonely. But instead I had a small glass of orange juice. I consider this compromise a victory.

4) Dave will not eat crappy fast food for lunch all week - Yes: I had microwavable ricey-chickeny stuff. And I went to the grocery store and avoided the siren call of the Krispy Kremes.

5) Dave will not allow his wife to get an early jump on buying the Easter candy - Yes! The candy is OUT but she was so busy she didn't even go there. So I have a week candy-free.

So far so good. I'm only down a pound or two, though.

The next few days will be hectic. We have out of town friends from NY staying tomorrow. Which means whirlwind CLEANING tonight. Ugh. The house is a fucking wreck too. It also means company will be here WHEN SURVIVOR IS ON!! I hope they realize the importance of Survivor in our lives.

Not much else is going on. Spent the lunch hour at Target. Their "Market Bazaar" line of ethnic-y asian-y african-y home decor is 50% off this week. Next week it is 75% off. I plan on cleaning them out for office knick-knacks and candles and stuff. Hope there is still something left by then.

D.

in the name of science...

So last week we were filming the Michelson Morley experiment for a relativity video we're working on. And the modern version of the experiment involves a laser. Well the problem with a laser is that you can't really SEE the beam, unless there is some particulate matter in the air. Solution...?



It took three people smoking at once to get enough smoke hanging in the air to see the beam reliably. Great for the professional quality optics, by the way. Our entire floor smelled like a bar for the rest of the day.

Science is FUN!

progress report...

So, how is Dave keeping up with his weightloss list so far...?

1) Dave will go to yoga class on Monday and Friday - Yes: Went to yoga class yesterday. Piece of cake after the Inquisition that was "Yoga with Nadia".

2) Dave will go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday - Yes: Still planning on going at lunch today.

3) Dave will drink tea and water and nothing else - Yes: Ok, well... almost. I had a rum and coke last night. That doesn't count, does it?

4) Dave will not eat crappy fast food for lunch all week - Yes: In fact, I skipped lunch entirely yesterday. Not the best choice, I know, but I went to yoga, and I had nothing in the fridge here. I need to make a quickie grocery run today.

5) Dave will not allow his wife to get an early jump on buying the Easter candy - Damn! She's going to Target today, and I forgot to tell her. Oh well... maybe she'll forget.

So far so good.

a rare, brief, moment of seriousness...

I wouldn't even normally bring it up, except that I'm going to Baltimore in a few weeks because of it, but my brother is having surgery. It's fairly serious... I think...although I get most of the details third-hand. A few months ago, he started suffering from numbness and pain in his right arm and right side. The problem turned out to be a somewhat rare problem where the cerebrospinal fluid does not drain properly from the brain and a cyst forms around the top of the spinal cord. (Official diagnosis - "syringomyelia") The surgery basically involves enlarging the hole in the base of the skull. so... while not technically "brain surgery"... it's close enough to be fairly scary.

Anyway, the prognosis seems fairly good, but I'm going up to visit anyway... you know... just in case. I haven't mentioned it merely because that's the way we deal with things in my family - by not talking about them. Healthy, no? But if I take some time to step outside of my state of practiced denial, I have to admit I'm a little freaked out by the whole thing.

We now return to our regularly schedule nonsense.

gadget woes...

1) last night the AC power supply to my laptop stopped working. just... stopped. luckily i have a backup, but still...

2) somehow during the move from car to minivan, we lost the remote to the portable dvd system, making it... essentially... worthless.

i'll be testing the "rule of threes" over the next 24 hours. what will it be?

how dave will drop 5+ pounds by the weekend...

* Dave will go to yoga class on Monday and Friday.
* Dave will go to the gym on Tuesday and Thursday.
* Dave will drink tea and water and nothing else.
* Dave will not eat crappy fast food for lunch all week.
* Dave will not allow his wife to get an early jump on buying the Easter candy.


Believe it or not... that's all it will take. And Dave is not fooling around this time.

a word from dave's muscles...

umm... "ouch?"

the latest in yoga...

As you know... Dr. Dave attends a yoga class every Monday afternon at the Y taught by Cute Yoga Kelley. He also used to occasionally frequent Old Lady Yoga classes on Tuesdays, but hasn't been in quite some time. He used to do 25 minutes or so every morning at work, but since they hired a bunch more people at the office, things are too busy and noisy in the mornings for him to focus. So he's been on the lookout for some other classes around town.

(Pardon me while I switch to first person...)

I saw an ad in the paper a few weeks ago for yoga classes by "Nadia"... a few at a hotel downtown, and some at a health club near where I work. There are two kinds of classes - "Power Yoga" (which just says to me "Yoga that will KICK YOUR ASS") and "Beginner/Prenatal Yoga" which sounds better, except for the "prenatal" part. I mean - I'm cool with being the only guy in a yoga class full of women, but I am NOT cool with being the only guy in a whole class full of PREGNANT women. Too weird.

Anyway, since the beginner class was also geared for the Lamaze set, I figured it would be too much like the Old Lady Yoga class to bother with. But I've been missing Cute Yoga Kelly's class so much with work lately, and all the other classes are at such bad times, I figured... why not... I'll give Beginner Yoga with Nadia a shot. If the whole thing is too weirdly obstetrical, or if the level of the class is too gentle, I just won't come back. It's 5 bucks, so... what the hell.

Well as far as the pregnant women, yeah there were three out of maybe a dozen people in class, so... no that wasn't too weird. And as far as the level of the class...?

Kicked. My. Ass.

Oh my GOD? This is BEGINNER yoga? You crazy fucking Frenchwoman!! I've been doing yoga for like 9 months and you are KICKING MY ASS!!!

(By the way... Crazy Frenchwoman Nadia? HOT!! And yoga class women who weren't pregnant or over 50? ALSO HOT!!)

Doctor Dave will be back, but damn... I'm gonna have to go back to the gym to build up the strength and stamina necessary to keep up with Crazy Sexy French Nadia and the Cute Preggo Dozen.

Oh... and another thing...

These ladies were serious about their yoga... and about their yoga breath. You know... in through the nose... out through the nose... constrict the throat a litlle to draw the breath out and sometimes you get a little hiss or a little sigh in the back of your throat. Well the harder we worked the more these women got into their yoga breath... and the hisses turned into hums... which turned into sighs... which turned into these little moans... which turned into... "Aaa-aaah"..... "Mmmmmmm".... "Oohhhhh"....

"OH MY GOD, IS THIS SOME KIND OF YOGA PORN?? You women need to fucking STOP because you are TOTALLY TURNING ME ON and I am wearing THE TIGHT YOGA MAN PANTS!!"

Jesus.

Yes. He will be back.

survivor is going to be GOOD!

Not only was Jeff extra mean to the contestants, not only did we totally predict who would be voted off first (and second!), not only is there a really bitchy gay guy, but...

The tattoo girl...?

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

Dr. Dave eagerly awaits Angie's inevitable pictorial on Suicide Girls once the season comes to an end.

God, I love this show...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

at least the knob goes back ON fairly easily...

You know... democracy and "free markets" are great and all, but... seriously... I bet in Soviet Russia and Communist China, ALL the washers and dryers you either PUSH to turn them on, or you PULL to turn them on.

Mine are from the SAME FUCKING MANUFACTURER, PEOPLE!!

What the hell??

still in the "denial" phase...

As I was getting the kids fed and dressed this morning, I caught a glimpse of the driveway through the front window out of the corner of my eye, and my immediate, automatic, unconscious first thought was...

"Oh look... company!"

No, Dave... that's YOUR minivan.

Oh yeah... right.

one of... THEM...

As of about 5:30 PM today, we will officially enter the ranks of... the mini-van people!!

The horror!

The wife wants to paint it purple. I want to buy some "Sprewells".

anyone else...

..miss their opportunity to leave the doctor a nasty note about yesterday's post, since of course it's obvious that he was totally serious and not joking at all!!

Jesus... how'd I wind up with a readership consisting entirely of snippy women?

:)

new rule, ladies...

When the first day of your period arrives on Valentine's Day... that's it. The holiday is cancelled. The whole thing. No flowers, no candy, no jewelry. It's just a regular Monday. Crabby all weekend? No sex at night? That's it.

Cancelled, I say!

Write it down ladies... I'm not going to say it again.

freedom is on the march... and on the bus...

The little guy has a Fisher Price talking school bus toy that, on top of being irritating as fuck, must have been designed pre-9/11, because its most frequently uttered catch-phrase is "Let's roll!!", which might at some point in the past given the impression that the little bus was ready for an afternoon of driving fun, but now just implies that the little scamp is out to thwart an imminent terrorist hijacking, or perhaps just intending to invade a foreign country under false pretenses.

Either way, it seems inappropriate.

at least they come by it honestly...

Took the kids to Target today, so the wife could get some freelance work done. At one point the girl asks - "Can we go to the toy section?" and I said... OK, but what do I NOT want to hear? To which she correctly replied, sadly..."I wanna, I wanna..."

She kept to her promise, even though my hardline position was hardly defensible after I bought myself one of these.

Sometimes I just realize... "Hey, I'm 35 and rich... I can buy myself toys whenever I want!"

tinker, tinker...

Dave has made some tiny, tiny changes to his weblog template that nobody will notice but him, but they make him very, very happy.

progress... of sorts...

I wrote the last page of my script today. Yay for me!

Of course... that's not to say I've written all the pages in the middle...

But it's an important step, because now I know where the damned thing is HEADING, which is the thing that's been killing me all freaking week.

In other news the Little One has a cold and the Big One has bronchitis. When will DAVE get sick? It's only a matter of time. Stay tuned for the whining!

aaron sorkin on "process"...

"I have a real schedule, too. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I freak out cuz I haven't thought of what next week's show is. Thursday I start yelling at people because I haven't thought of what next week's show is. Friday I go, 'Ohmigod, there's going to be a half hour of dead air on ABC next week,' and then it finally gets done."

This, too, is me.

the opposite of writing...

I'm supposed to be writing a script. Instead I'm reading. Read...read...read... you know... "research"? Because the thing I'm writing isn't exactly my field... which means I'm having a tough time getting an "angle" on the whole topic. It's not the factual information that's the problem, it's putting it all together into something coherent... something with a POINT.

Anyway, so I sit in my office and read...read...read... for three days now, and something's got to give, because I'm driving myself crazy and my head is just a big jumble of IDEAS and yet nothing comes out when I stare at the paper/word processor.

The whole thing brings to mind a quote I've read by Aaron Sorkin about the agony that is his writing process, and I thought I could find it online, but I can't, so I'll copy it it from the West Wing book at home, which I think is where it's from, and post it here later. So... stay tuned for that.

In other news, we got Sirius satellite radio yesterday, so... scratch one more techno-gadget off the list. (Do we have them all yet?) I also got a car kit for my iPod, so... say bye-bye- to the front seat full of loose CDs that fly around the car like little silver frisbees everytime I turn a corner.

I think that's it, folks... at least, nothing else is going on that rises to the level of rantworthyness. I promise to deliver something anecdoty this week... I promise!!

There's a new player in the pherma biz! member...

There's a new player in the hood - and you're gonna like it.
Yep, nomore the old fashion, this one is new, good and will
give it to you like with prjjces you never knew you can get.
I'm talking about the new shoop.
Come iin to observe more!
We can't wait till the winter comes :)

I love spam. Seriously.

how to bait and switch an entire country...

Term One: "We have a surplus! Look at that surplus! That means we're taxing too much! It's not the gubmint's money! It's YER money! Here, take it all back!

Term Two: "We have a deficit! Look at that deficit! That means we're spending too much! Gotta cut 150 gubmint programs. But not the War on Terr'rr! Freedom is on the march! Gotta spend more on that. Buy your own damned heart pills, Grampa!


Huh? Wha? What happened there? We weren't listening...

On another note, about the only program Bush isn't cutting is NASA. He's giving NASA even MORE money. And yet there is no money in the budget to save the Hubble... they're gonna let that crash into the ocean. Where is all the NASA money going? To the Manned Mission to Mars of course... because, why spend money to fix something we already have, that already WORKS, when we can blow it all sending people to Mars to plant a fucking 'Merrican flag and jerk off all over some rocks.

Stupid motherfuckers...

like father like daughter...

We went to Target yesterday, and I don't know if maybe the impending Super Bowl has us feeling particularly "sporty" or what, but we bought cute little baseball mitts for the kids. Then when we got home I took them out back to play catch.

The first toss, my daughter missed. Darn!

The second toss, my daughter caught! Yay!

The third toss hit my daughter smack in the nose and reduced her to a hysterical sobbing heap and cemented the inevitable truth that her future will be free from organized sports activity of any kind.

Oh well... it was bound to happen soner or later.

the crack-dealer analogy becomes even more applicable...

I went to the Krispy Kreme drive thru the other day to get my standard 2 chocolate iced donuts and bottle of milk, and the chick at the window gave me my donuts, and when I held out my $5 she said - "Don't worry about it... have a nice day!"

What the fuck? Pretty cool, huh? I don't know what it was all about. Disgruntled employee maybe??

"I'll show these fuckers... I'll fucking GIVE AWAY donuts all day!!"

Or maybe I'm just projecting.

Either way, I didn't think of the appropriate rejoinder until it was too late, which would have been - "Oh! Ok... well, can I have two MORE then?"

the damage...?

Dinner at Ruth's Chris Steak House, plus babysitting?

$150!!

I mean... it was good, but it wasn't THAT fucking good.

pay attention to BASEBALL? but it's been SO LONG...

I learned today that steroid-fueled home run guy Sammy Sosa got traded to the Orioles.

The O's! My old home team!

God, I can't even remember the last time the O's didn't suck. Maybe this season I should keep an eye on the AL East on the off chance that they aren't 21 games behind the Yankees again this year.

note to self...

Check out the going price for a human soul on eBay. Just to make sure you're getting a good deal.

i honestly don't care if she actually SITS on them...

The wife and I are going out tonight! Alone! To eat! With no kids! At a restaurant! ALONE! WITH NO SCREAMING!!

dave gets all semantic with the appliances...

Our dryer has the little lint-trap thingy inside, as most dryers do... and on the edge of the trap is says "PLEASE EMPTY BEFORE EVERY USE"...and I never really noticed it or took issue with it until last night. Not that I DO empty it after every use... that would be extremely anal and deprive me of the pleasure of peeling off a big 1" thick pillow of compacted blue-gray fuzz after every 6 or 7 loads. I never FOLLOWED the suggestion, but it never bothered me either.

Until now.

Because last night the question arose... Are you emtpying it BEFORE every use, as the label says... or are you emptying it AFTER every use? I contend that it is the latter, because the FIRST time you used it, it had never been used... therefore, you didn't need to empty it before THAT use... you began emptying it AFTER the fist use, and continued to empty it AFTER every subsequent use. Am I right, people??

This is what it's like to live inside my head, dear readers. Be thankful...

mardi gras parade update...

I know I promised complaining, but believe it or not... there are probably WORSE ways to spend an afternoon than being pelted by beads and stuffed animals by fat guys wearing masks.

Ok... it was a little cold.