that time of year...
Man, do I have a lot to do. This is the last week of the semester. I have term papers to grade by Wednesday. I have a senior project draft to look over by this afternoon. And I have three final exams to compose this week. (Then next week, I’ll have to grade said exams... 18+22+8 = too many!) I have only just barely enough time to get it all done – that is... if I don’t spend hours and hours writing in my weblog this morning.
Mmm-hmmm.
The weekend was fairly “full”... although I don’t feel like I did much. We went out on Saturday to the Mall, which is a rare thing for us. Now I know why – because it makes us all crabby. The 5 y.o. gets tired of walking and the 1 y.o. gets tired of strollering but if we put the 5 y.o. in the stroller then WE get tired of carrying and/or CHASING the 1.y.o. It’s just exhausting.
(By the way... I haven’t been to the Mall often or frequently enough to get a good look at how teenage girls are dressing in the suburbs lately. I only see the upscale, chic-slutty girls in the city. But those chicks out in the suburbs – they are downright skanky. Jesus. I remember the streetwalkers down in East Baltimore dressing with more modesty... and TASTE.)
After the mall we found ourselves at Pizzeria Uno with the kids. That promptly erased the pleasant memory of Friday’s dinner alone.
Mother’s Day was pretty exhausting. I had an awful night’s sleep, and somehow I wound up getting a THIRD day in a row of “up with both kids while the wife sleeps in.” Don’t even fucking ask me how THAT happened. Anyway, the morning involved wrapping presents and making cards and cooking French Toast and I was just NOT in the mood for any of it. I told my wife that next year, it’s gonna be Mother’s Day DINNER, unless I’m getting a whole hell of a lot more sleep by then. Anyway, the wife got a book and a bathtub reader thingy from Levenger for when we have our giant Whirlpool tub in the new house. Pretty good presents – even IF the bath thingy was originally intended for an anniversary present. (I bumped it up 2 weeks to Mother’s Day after striking out at Target on Friday.) Oh... there were some flowers involved in there as well.
We went out to a “Craft Fair” in the afternoon, which was just the most pitiful thing I’ve ever seen.... 8 tables and people just selling crap. And yet we spent all kinds of money. The wife bought lots of slightly beat-up (stolen!!) children’s books and puzzles, and my daughter and I bought some fossils from the gems and minerals place. God, she is going to be a nerd!!
Last night we watched Survivor, which was pretty free of surprises, despite all the hype. The final immunity challenge was one of the most anticlimactic ever, as was the vote. I wasn’t even surprised by the marriage proposal by Boston Rob. I actually expected them to be already engaged.
Anyway – in short – Rob deserved to win, but he didn’t cuz he was a jerk. We’ve seen that one before. So he marries Ambuh’ and gets the million anyway. Add the fact that Rupert is a shoe-in for the phone-in popularity contest, and you have a perfect happy ending.
A couple of little things. What was with Jerri’s little spaz-out? ”You don’t realize that your entertainment comes at our EXPENSE... boo-hoo” Puh-leeze. Not only did you volunteer for this... you did it TWICE. You’re the biggest fucking publicity whore up there. Get over it.
And what the FUCK is with Sue Hawk being on Extreme Makeover? Jesus Tapdancing Christ, that is about the most appalling thing I’ve ever heard. ”Hey guys, who is the Survivor contestant with the most obvious self-esteem issues and clear emotional problems... let’s go exploit them for our horrifying plastic surgery train-wreck freakshow.” God damn, those shows make me physically ill.
She did look pretty good, though.
Anyway, enough about all that. Friends is over. Survivor will be on hiatus for a while. ER will wrap next week. Now it’s time to cash in some of those Blockbuster coupons! Although last weekend’s trip to Blockbuster was a total bust. I don’t get it... did my wife and I just pretend to like the same movies when we were dating? Because now, going to Blockbuster with her is just like... I don’t know, I can’t think of a clever analogy... it’s like going to pick out movies with someone who doesn’t want to see any of the same movies you do. It sucks. I’d like to start renting some TV series we haven’t been able to catch... ”Six Feet Under” or ”The Office” or something. Granted, there are also some tawdry eye-candy movies that I need to rent on my own time (”Prey for Rock and Roll” with Gina Gershon and ”Underworld” with... ummm... lots of black vinyl) but I recommended some other movies too.... GOOD movies... (”The Cooler”) that were just met with silence. So it was one of those “Fine, I don’t care then, get whatever you want and I’ll surf the web on my laptop and pretend to watch” kind of nights.
And that brings us to today... Monday. Have I mentioned I have a lot of work to do? Yeah. Ok. Time to get on with that. Today is my last day of “classes”... it’s just exams from here on out. It’s a little sad, when you think about it. Then you remember you’re getting a 33% raise and moving to a place where the cost of living is 30% less. Then it’s not so sad.
Bring it on.
Monday, May 10
white trash momma...
We came home from an afternoon of shopping on Sunday to the sound of whoops, hollers and profanity over the back fence. Apparently they were having some kind of cookout at the White Trash House.
We came home from an afternoon of shopping on Sunday to the sound of whoops, hollers and profanity over the back fence. Apparently they were having some kind of cookout at the White Trash House.
Wife: “Oh isn’t that nice, they’re having a little get-together to celebrate Mother’s Day”
Dave: “Well, you can’t blame them for being excited. It’s probably a much less confusing holiday for them than Father’s Day.”
Sunday, May 9
primatologists unite...
Another warning to parents. This time it’s about ABC books.
If you’re shopping for an ABC board book or a “My First Animals” book for your toddler, I have a little hint for you. Open it up and turn to the “M” page. There you will often find a picture of something professing to be a monkey. But frequently it is NOT a monkey. The picture in the board book is clearly, unambiguously a chimpanzee. And if you purchase your child this book, you run the risk of turning your child into yet another stupid adult who doesn’t know the freaking difference between a monkey and a chimpanzee!!
(Like, for example, everyone who works at the damned publisher who allowed this book to escape containing such a glaring error.)
It simple, people. Chimps are APES, not monkeys. The great apes – gorillas, orangutans, chimps, and some would say, humans – do not have tails. They are also a good bit bigger than monkeys.
It drives me nuts.
If I were a primatologist, I’d be writing some fucking letters.
As it is, I just come here and bug you people with such nonsense.
Another warning to parents. This time it’s about ABC books.
If you’re shopping for an ABC board book or a “My First Animals” book for your toddler, I have a little hint for you. Open it up and turn to the “M” page. There you will often find a picture of something professing to be a monkey. But frequently it is NOT a monkey. The picture in the board book is clearly, unambiguously a chimpanzee. And if you purchase your child this book, you run the risk of turning your child into yet another stupid adult who doesn’t know the freaking difference between a monkey and a chimpanzee!!
(Like, for example, everyone who works at the damned publisher who allowed this book to escape containing such a glaring error.)
It simple, people. Chimps are APES, not monkeys. The great apes – gorillas, orangutans, chimps, and some would say, humans – do not have tails. They are also a good bit bigger than monkeys.
It drives me nuts.
If I were a primatologist, I’d be writing some fucking letters.
As it is, I just come here and bug you people with such nonsense.
Saturday, May 8
date night...
Last night for the first time ever, we left BOTH kids with a sitter who was NOT one of their grandmothers. We went out for dinner at a nice restaurant - defined as one at which coloring books are not available. We ate our food and we didn't have to feed any other little people scraps from our plates or butter anyone else's bread or endure any one else's screaming and crying.
It was only 2 hours but it was VERY nice.
I think once we move, that is going to have to become a regular thing.
Last night for the first time ever, we left BOTH kids with a sitter who was NOT one of their grandmothers. We went out for dinner at a nice restaurant - defined as one at which coloring books are not available. We ate our food and we didn't have to feed any other little people scraps from our plates or butter anyone else's bread or endure any one else's screaming and crying.
It was only 2 hours but it was VERY nice.
I think once we move, that is going to have to become a regular thing.
Friday, May 7
war and morality...
So, the “News Story of the Week” is the abuse of Iraqi prisoners by the US military. Apparently we’re been torturing and humiliating prisoners over there, and the media and the public seem to be shocked and horrified by it.
You know what else is shocking and horrifying? I’ve heard that the military is also shooting Iraqis dead and dropping bombs on them and stuff. Can you believe that??
Look, I don’t want to make light of what were clearly stupid and despicable acts, but when you really stop and think about it... really... how is making a naked Iraqi stand on a box any more “immoral” than shooting them and bombing them and killing them? How are we “surprised” by this? Because the very ACT of war necessitates dehumanization. Killing another human would be immoral! Everybody knows that. You can’t shoot a person with whom you have empathy... someone you recognize as another Thinking and Feeling Being. So you dehumanize them and think of them only as The Enemy. But then somehow if you capture one on them, all of a sudden you’re supposed to invite them in for tea and biscuits? It doesn’t work that way.
The problem as I see it is this - We in the “civilized” world... the media and the population at large... we have as individual moral beings simply outgrown the idea of war. We recognize that Vietnamese and Russians and Iraqis and Palestinians are human beings and that it is wrong to kill or torture other human beings. But our social and political mechanisms have NOT outgrown the NEED for war as a TOOL. This poses a dilemma. Because at the same time, our modern media does not allow us the DISCONNECT that is required to conduct a satisfactory war. We’re not supposed to see people being blown to bits, or dead children in the streets, or Americans being dragged naked and burned through the streets, or our own soldiers humiliating enemy prisoners. Because when we see these things, we simply can’t maintain the “Spirit of Dehumanization” that war requires from the comfort of our living rooms.
So we wind up with a massive nationwide cognitive dissonance. Everybody supports the IDEA of the war... until somebody gets killed or captured or tortured or raped or... whatever. What the fuck do we do? I don’t know.
And here is another thing. Is it shocking when American soldiers torture prisoners of war? Of course. But it is no more shocking than when our police officers beat suspects with sticks, or shoot unarmed black men 40-odd times, or sodomize them with broom handles. These are our OWN citizens in our OWN prisons. And everybody knows it goes on. (Don’t you?)
“Civilization” is the thinnest of veneers. Humans are animals. And not just the ones inside the cages... all of us. We can pretend otherwise, and we may have come a long way in our intellectual standards of morality, but it only takes the tiniest shove to turn any one of us back a million years. That’s not to say we shouldn’t resist. We should. But we should cut out the indignation and try to solve the real problems.
So, the “News Story of the Week” is the abuse of Iraqi prisoners by the US military. Apparently we’re been torturing and humiliating prisoners over there, and the media and the public seem to be shocked and horrified by it.
You know what else is shocking and horrifying? I’ve heard that the military is also shooting Iraqis dead and dropping bombs on them and stuff. Can you believe that??
Look, I don’t want to make light of what were clearly stupid and despicable acts, but when you really stop and think about it... really... how is making a naked Iraqi stand on a box any more “immoral” than shooting them and bombing them and killing them? How are we “surprised” by this? Because the very ACT of war necessitates dehumanization. Killing another human would be immoral! Everybody knows that. You can’t shoot a person with whom you have empathy... someone you recognize as another Thinking and Feeling Being. So you dehumanize them and think of them only as The Enemy. But then somehow if you capture one on them, all of a sudden you’re supposed to invite them in for tea and biscuits? It doesn’t work that way.
The problem as I see it is this - We in the “civilized” world... the media and the population at large... we have as individual moral beings simply outgrown the idea of war. We recognize that Vietnamese and Russians and Iraqis and Palestinians are human beings and that it is wrong to kill or torture other human beings. But our social and political mechanisms have NOT outgrown the NEED for war as a TOOL. This poses a dilemma. Because at the same time, our modern media does not allow us the DISCONNECT that is required to conduct a satisfactory war. We’re not supposed to see people being blown to bits, or dead children in the streets, or Americans being dragged naked and burned through the streets, or our own soldiers humiliating enemy prisoners. Because when we see these things, we simply can’t maintain the “Spirit of Dehumanization” that war requires from the comfort of our living rooms.
So we wind up with a massive nationwide cognitive dissonance. Everybody supports the IDEA of the war... until somebody gets killed or captured or tortured or raped or... whatever. What the fuck do we do? I don’t know.
And here is another thing. Is it shocking when American soldiers torture prisoners of war? Of course. But it is no more shocking than when our police officers beat suspects with sticks, or shoot unarmed black men 40-odd times, or sodomize them with broom handles. These are our OWN citizens in our OWN prisons. And everybody knows it goes on. (Don’t you?)
“Civilization” is the thinnest of veneers. Humans are animals. And not just the ones inside the cages... all of us. We can pretend otherwise, and we may have come a long way in our intellectual standards of morality, but it only takes the tiniest shove to turn any one of us back a million years. That’s not to say we shouldn’t resist. We should. But we should cut out the indignation and try to solve the real problems.
prolific...
It’s obvious I’ve been writing more here lately.... 2 or 3 posts a day. That can’t go on forever. Once the semester ends and I’m home all day... I don’t have nearly the amount of writing time. No train... no office hours. I think I’m going to start pocketing entries that aren’t time-sensitive. In other words, anything that isn’t about what I did TODAY or something about current events, I’m just gonna save in my MS Word document (where I write all this crap before pasting it into Blogger or OD) so I can pull out things and paste them on days when I’m too busy in the summer.
I didn’t really need to tell you all that. I just feel it’s best to be honest. I’ll try not to let anything sit too long beyond it’s “freshness date.” Nothing worse than stale weblog content.
It’s obvious I’ve been writing more here lately.... 2 or 3 posts a day. That can’t go on forever. Once the semester ends and I’m home all day... I don’t have nearly the amount of writing time. No train... no office hours. I think I’m going to start pocketing entries that aren’t time-sensitive. In other words, anything that isn’t about what I did TODAY or something about current events, I’m just gonna save in my MS Word document (where I write all this crap before pasting it into Blogger or OD) so I can pull out things and paste them on days when I’m too busy in the summer.
I didn’t really need to tell you all that. I just feel it’s best to be honest. I’ll try not to let anything sit too long beyond it’s “freshness date.” Nothing worse than stale weblog content.
Thursday, May 6
misguided children’s toy...
What could be a more pure and wholesome toy than a wooden puzzle? Very old fashioned... very rustic... simple play value... educational.
And what could be a better target for some MegaCorp ToyNazis to go and put a computer-chip in to fuck the whole thing up??
“A computer chip? In a puzzle?” ( you ask...) “How so?”
Allow me to explain...
I don’t even know where exactly it came from, but for his birthday, the one-year-old got this puzzle... a wooden animal puzzle with 4 pieces - a lion, a tiger, a monkey and an elephant. And in the spot where each animal goes there is a little photocell, which detects the drop in light when you put the pieces in place and responds with the appropriate animal noise. “GROOWL!” for the lion or “EE-EE, OO-OO” for the monkey or “........” well... I don’t know how to spell the noise that an elephant makes, but you get the idea.
“Why that sounds cute and harmless Dave... what’s the problem?” (you ask...)
Well there is no problem until one of the pieces goes missing and the puzzle is left sitting in the living room and it’s 11:30 at night and you turn off the lights to go to bed and...
”GGRROOOOWWWLLL!!”
Now, listen. I know there isn’t a tiger in my living room, ok? I know that. But you are in a dark room and you hear a loud and unexpected growl and you fucking jump out of your skin. You just DO... it’s evolution! And it doesn’t matter how many times it happens, either. Five nights... ten nights... still you hear that “GROWL!” and your amygdala or whatever part of your brain has the job of going “LION!” goes... “LION!”
And it’s not just at night either. Two in the afternoon... sunlight comes through the window wind blows through the leaves outside making dancing shadows on the floor...
”GRROWWLL!! GRROWWLL!! Oo-Ooh, Eep-Eep!! GRROWWLL!
It’s a constant annoyance.
So... keep an eye out for this, those of you with kids. If you see a growling puzzle in the toystore... resist the temptation. It will drive you nuts. You have been warned. Your amygdala will thank me.
What could be a more pure and wholesome toy than a wooden puzzle? Very old fashioned... very rustic... simple play value... educational.
And what could be a better target for some MegaCorp ToyNazis to go and put a computer-chip in to fuck the whole thing up??
“A computer chip? In a puzzle?” ( you ask...) “How so?”
Allow me to explain...
I don’t even know where exactly it came from, but for his birthday, the one-year-old got this puzzle... a wooden animal puzzle with 4 pieces - a lion, a tiger, a monkey and an elephant. And in the spot where each animal goes there is a little photocell, which detects the drop in light when you put the pieces in place and responds with the appropriate animal noise. “GROOWL!” for the lion or “EE-EE, OO-OO” for the monkey or “........” well... I don’t know how to spell the noise that an elephant makes, but you get the idea.
“Why that sounds cute and harmless Dave... what’s the problem?” (you ask...)
Well there is no problem until one of the pieces goes missing and the puzzle is left sitting in the living room and it’s 11:30 at night and you turn off the lights to go to bed and...
”GGRROOOOWWWLLL!!”
Now, listen. I know there isn’t a tiger in my living room, ok? I know that. But you are in a dark room and you hear a loud and unexpected growl and you fucking jump out of your skin. You just DO... it’s evolution! And it doesn’t matter how many times it happens, either. Five nights... ten nights... still you hear that “GROWL!” and your amygdala or whatever part of your brain has the job of going “LION!” goes... “LION!”
And it’s not just at night either. Two in the afternoon... sunlight comes through the window wind blows through the leaves outside making dancing shadows on the floor...
”GRROWWLL!! GRROWWLL!! Oo-Ooh, Eep-Eep!! GRROWWLL!
It’s a constant annoyance.
So... keep an eye out for this, those of you with kids. If you see a growling puzzle in the toystore... resist the temptation. It will drive you nuts. You have been warned. Your amygdala will thank me.
ancient chinese secret...
I think I mentioned that I stopped for Chinese yesterday on the way back from the library. It’s my favorite little place to grab lunch... $4.95 for an entrée with rice and soup... less than $10 even with a drink and a tip. It’ll probably be my last chance to eat there. Anyway... this was the fortune in my fortune cookie...
Hey, fortune cookie. Let’s leave my sex life out of it – shall we??
I think I mentioned that I stopped for Chinese yesterday on the way back from the library. It’s my favorite little place to grab lunch... $4.95 for an entrée with rice and soup... less than $10 even with a drink and a tip. It’ll probably be my last chance to eat there. Anyway... this was the fortune in my fortune cookie...
”Our first and last love is... self love.”
Hey, fortune cookie. Let’s leave my sex life out of it – shall we??
Wednesday, May 5
wednesday at a glance...
9:00 – 10:50: Lecture on String Theory. Blow students’ minds
11:00 – 12:00: Grade calculus quizzes. That wasn’t so bad, was it?
12:00 – 12:30: Carry a bag full of 150 pounds of books back to the NYU library
12:30 – 1:30: Stop on the way back from library for Chinese food. All hail General Tso!
2:10 – 3:50: Waste last Calculus lecture on in-class activity. Students work in slow motion.
4:05: Miss the 4:04 train. Buy some Reese’s Pieces. Wait for 4:21 train.
4:21 – 6:30ish: Ride the train home. Type nonsense in weblog.
6:30-11:00: Eat dinner. Bathe kids. Put kids to bed. Work on PowerPoint until eyes get googly.
11:30ish: Bed.
9:00 – 10:50: Lecture on String Theory. Blow students’ minds
11:00 – 12:00: Grade calculus quizzes. That wasn’t so bad, was it?
12:00 – 12:30: Carry a bag full of 150 pounds of books back to the NYU library
12:30 – 1:30: Stop on the way back from library for Chinese food. All hail General Tso!
2:10 – 3:50: Waste last Calculus lecture on in-class activity. Students work in slow motion.
4:05: Miss the 4:04 train. Buy some Reese’s Pieces. Wait for 4:21 train.
4:21 – 6:30ish: Ride the train home. Type nonsense in weblog.
6:30-11:00: Eat dinner. Bathe kids. Put kids to bed. Work on PowerPoint until eyes get googly.
11:30ish: Bed.
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