and on his tombstone it said - "if only he'd used helvetica"...

I spent much of last night trying to break myself out of the mindset of being convinced that whether or not I ever get a job EVER is entirely dependent upon whether I choose a serif of sans-serif font for my resume. How silly is that...?

...?

It is silly... isn't it?

networking...

It only took a couple of emails, and I have two former employers in NY telling me they'd be interested in having me back. It's so tough, though... money-wise. We weren't exactly "struggling" there, but we weren't getting anywhere either... we were just making do. It is so fucking expensive... the housing... everything. But it's nice to be "wanted"... for that reason alone I'm about ready to jump on any offer.

stay at home dad checklist...

1) Manage to stave off panic attack: CHECK
2) Do dishes: CHECK
3) Yell at children: CHECK
4) Change out of pajamas by noon: CH-ummm... can we make that 3:00?
5) Arrange to sell worldly possessions on eBay: CHECK

never too depressed for a follow-up porn promise...

The promised dream-referenced Rectangle Girl.

could this week GET any fucking better...?

I got fired today.

I'll be getting a paycheck and benefits until the end of April, after which I will have a $200,000 mortgage, a brand new minivan, no job, and 2 kids with no health insurance.

How is YOUR week going, Internet?

It's not as bad as all that, but I'm pretty fucking pissed right now and would rather not get into the details.

I'll have plenty of time for blogging now, though... RIGHT?

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away...

i hop on a plane at 6 am tomorrow to go to baltimore and hang w/ my brother before his surgery.

i don't expect to have to much 'connectivity' before tuesday.

look for me then.

d.

and fuck the girl scouts, too...

Thanks to my wife's decision to come home from this week's meeting with SIX boxes of "Thin Mints", I have gained back all 5 pounds I lost last week - plus one.

I would like to take this time to thank my wife for all of her SUPPORT of my attempts to make some lifestyle changes...

THANKS!

fun parenthood day...

Sigh. Well, I've been up since 5:00 AM and now I'm home from work watching TV with a drugged, pantsless 2 year-old.

But, to begin at the beginning.

The Little Guy had to have a procedure this morning that I can only describe as a "circumcision touch-up." A fairly minor thing, although if you have an overactive "Worst Case Scenario Monster" living in your head like some of us do, anything involving general anesthesia is cause for worry and alarm.

The procedure was scheduled for 5:30 AM, which meant that my wife had to get up at 4:00 and drag him out of the house in his footie-jammies at 5:00 AM. While they were leaving, the cat got out. Which of course meant... "DAVE! THE CAT GOT OUT!!" Lovely. SO there I was, outside, in MY footie-jammies, at five in the morning , shoving a cat out from under a minivan with a push-broom.

I never really got back to sleep, then I had to get the Girl ready for school by myself, drop her off, then go meet my wife and the Little Guy in recovery. Then I went to work... they went home, he took a 3 hour nap... missed his medication... woke up SCREAMING. My wife had to go pick up my daughter and take her to Girl Scouts, and she couldn't get a diaper on the boy, SO... as you may have heard, I am now home from work watching TV with a drugged, pantsless 2 year-old.

I am a one-man cautionary tale and advertisement for the Childless Lifestyle.

the few... the proud...

Dave needs one.