Dave and Pippa's New Year's Punchline of the night...

PIPPA: they are so hard up for talent they have Beyonce's sister performing

DAVE: um..

DAVE: Bedandbathcé ?

and to all a goodnight...

Pretty good Xmas all around, faithful readers. Now the real fun begins. Fourteen hour drive to Chicago for Xmas #2 with the inlaws... back home on New Years for Xmas #3 with my Mom an brother et. al. Let's hope the new DS and games and books do the trick in the van. I'm cautiously optimistic. (Inexplicably so.) I'm very tired from packing and a little sick from eating nothing but cookies, chocolate and mint all fucking day. But I'm still my usual festive self. No... really...

feelin' minnesota ...

As if it's not bad enough that I have to shovel the driveway when it's 7 in the morning and 7 fucking degrees out, but every fucking time, it must be preceded by the HUNT FOR THE SNOW SHOVELS, which have invariably been fucked with by the kids the day before and are either A) invisibly buried somewhere in the middle of the lawn, or 2) have been left over some neighbor's house and swapped with a fucking inferior shovel, often a child's size thing with which I am unable to reach the fucking ground.

It's the most objectionable household chore I have to do, the least I can ask is to have the PROPER FUCKING TOOLS to do it with. This morning I issued a decree that NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE IS TO TOUCH A SNOW SHOVEL EVER AGAIN EXCEPT *ME*. I have no confidence whatsoever that my warnings will be heeded.

Did I mention it was 7º? And windy?

dave will be rooting for the forest-fire next time...

For the second time, I fell victim to the glassy-eyed, herbivorous suicide bombers that line my morning commute. They stand there in the bushes like big, stupid, hoofed time-bombs, staring at the road, ready to spring into action. By the time I saw mine it was too late to brake, or even swerve more than a little bit. It slammed hard against my passenger side door. Thank god for the cheapass all-plastic construction of modern cars, the thing basically *bounced* off and the door flexed back into shape, leaving nothing but a couple of deep black hoof-scuffs near the bottom.

So... mission NOT accomplished you little white-tailed motherfucker. How many of you do I have to fucking maim before natural selection kicks in? And if this is some kind of revenge for the whole "hunting season" thing... jump at a fucking pickup, not a red sportscar. I've got nothing to do with it. But I'm starting to consider taking it up as a hobby.

icy weather, cold fusion, and the laws of thermodynamics...

Kind of a shitty morning... about an inch of snow/ice mix all over everything, but I had to take the early train in b/c I have an exam this morning. And not only have I not really finished writing it (much less printing and copying it) but I need to allow for a couple of emergencies and delays... I can't take the risk of taking the Last Chance Train at 7:30.

So here I am. Me and my laptop and my fucking reading glasses, which I find myself wearing more and more lately. I think after xmas it's time for a trip to Lenscrafters for some fucking bifocals. Fuck. In class yesterday we were using the Pons and Fleishman "cold fusion" debacle as a case study for the reaction of the scientific community to violations of the peer review protocol (fascinating, right?) and I realized that the Pons and Fleishman "cold fusion" debacle happened basically TWENTY YEARS AGO. How is that possible? How can I have been in COLLEGE twenty years ago?? Fuck.

Anyway, I'm giving my first final today, which means I get to sit w/ my feet up on the desk while all the students write furiously (love that!) and write up my personal reflection on course the semester. (Preview: It sucked.)

Meanwhile, in another window, I'm trimming questions out of the final exam. Reason? I'm teaching 3 classes this semester, and I'm trying to cut down on the grading. If a 5-page rather than a 6-page final can contribute to that cause... I'm willing to sacrifice the comprehensive completeness of the final for that. Besides... I think it's still a pretty good exam. Interested?

1) Imagine the following scenario: You make hot cup of tea to help you stay up late and study for your physics final. The phone rings. You set your hot tea down to go answer the phone. You come back a half hour later to find your tea is now lukewarm. Explain what has just happened in terms of the caloric theory of heat.
2) Now take the same scenario above and explain what has just happened in terms of the kinetic theory of heat.
3) What observations and experiments by Count Rumford led him to reject the idea of ”caloric” ?
4) What is the difference between heat and temperature?
5) You can safely reach into a 400ºF oven and touch the top of a cake with your finger to test and see if it is “done”. But if your hand touches the rack, or the cake pan, you will be burned. Why is it safe to touch the 400º cake and the 400º air, but not the 400º metal?
6) State the First Law of Thermodynamics below...
7) State the “Zeroth” Law of Thermodynamics below. Why is this law necessary, and why is it numbered “0” instead of “1”?
8) State the Second Law of Thermodynamics in as many ways as you can. (In terms of entropy, in terms of engines, in terms of heat flow, etc...)
9) State the Third Law of Thermodynamics below…
10) Explain as best you can what physicists mean by the term “entropy”. What is the difference between a low entropy and a high entropy system?
11) Explain the meaning of the statement “Equilibrium = Death”.
12) Briefly describe the “Maxwell’s Demon” thought-experiment?. What point was James Clerk Maxwell trying to make with his scenario?
13) What are some of the practical and theoretical obstacles to achieving a temperature of "absolute zero"?

Now that I look at that, I'll probably re-word a couple of them, but... yeah, that's basically gonna be it. I kinda love writing exams. If only I didn't have to grade them.

How was the birthday party, Dave...?



"AARRRRGHH!!"

Pirate Map..., originally uploaded by doctordavepix.

This is the kind of project I take far too seriously... a 36" x 24" pirate map for a "Pin The X" game at the boy's birthday party. You don't want to know how much of my afternoon was taken up with this.

yawn...

I had hoped that this "cup of tea on the train" would be a life-changing addition to my morning routine, but... turns out it only works at 7:30. No amount of caffeine can make me not feel like shit at 6:30.

I'm going in early today because we're doing a "lab" in physics class. We're measuring the value of absolute zero. That sounds like something exciting and modern that would involve hi-tech cryogenic systems or something, but really it's just sticking a pressure gauge thingy into a bunch of liquids that are different temperatures. I need to get ice.

Speaking of cold, I went out to "warm up" my car this morning, only to discover that it was 52º outside. And drizzly. Yay! Spring is here!!

morning...

First off, I'm sneezy as all hell this morning. I'd like to scratch out the inside of my right nostril with a wire test-tube brush. Are there allergens that can survive when it's 12º out?

Second, it's amazing how susceptible I am to the power of suggestion when it comes to snow. A single flake-thick dusting on the cars and the driveway, and it feels 20º colder than it actually is. It damn sure better get above 40º at some point this week if someone is expecting me to hang Xmas lights.

But the real reason I'm writing is to avoid grading. No. Not true. I'm going to grade. I have to. I've reached the critical point where, if I don't do it NOW, it's never going to get done. So I got an extra hour of sleep, a big cup of Earl Grey tea, and I'm gonna dive into this stack of assignments now.

Oh, wait... maybe I have to write up an answer key first! That's KIND OF like grading!

MEMO: Shortlist anyone with the nickname "Mad Eye"...

Our university is losing yet another Provost... this time, to Obama's transition team at the DoD. I think that may make the 4th person in 6 years. The position of provost at this institution has all the stability of Defense Against the Dark Arts instructor at Hogwarts.